How Much Did You Pay?
You board a crowded airplane and make your way to your seat. You sit down and the man seated next to you says, “I’m so glad I booked this flight a long time ago or I might not have gotten a seat.”
To which you reply, “Yes, that’s for sure.”
Then, he adds, “I booked it through an internet travel site and I got a fabulous deal.”
At this point, you’re thinking, “What kind of fabulous deal did HE get?” You paid $325 for your round trip ticket and felt that you got a pretty good deal. You know it would be rude to ask the man what he paid. But you also know that you won’t be able to sleep for the next week until you know exactly what he paid for his ticket.
So you say, “If you don’t mind my asking, how much did you pay for your ticket?” He then proudly announces that he paid $275 for his ticket. And, of course, he adds, “What did you pay?”
You feel like he just stuck a knife in your chest. Sheepishly you mumble “$325.” That smile on his face makes you feel even worse.
Your day has turned sour in an instant. You woke up feeling great and excited about your trip. Now, all you can think about is that you got “ripped off” because you paid $50 more than this gentleman. You’re tempted to go up and down the aisle asking others what they paid, hoping you can find someone who paid $350. That might make you feel a bit better. But of course, that would be childish. So you continue to stew about how you “overpaid” for your ticket.
Let’s look at another example. You get a raise of 8% at work. You consider that a very substantial raise. In fact, you’re delighted… until you hear that someone else in your department got 10%. Once you hear that, you are fuming. And when you get home that day, instead of celebrating your raise with your spouse and family, you’re talking about the injustice of getting an 8% raise when your co-worker (who is obviously less qualified) got 10%.
Comparisons cause us more aggravation than we’d like to admit. They can poison our whole day and in some cases the frustration they generate can linger many months or even years.
What can we do about it? Give up the comparisons.
In our airplane example, we could be happy that the other person got a good deal. We can also appreciate that we paid a reasonable price for our ticket – even if it wasn’t the lowest price. We can be grateful that we had the money to take this trip in the first place. In addition, we could write down the name of the travel web site and see if we could save money in the future by purchasing a ticket there.
It’s silly to set up a game where your happiness depends on what other people are doing. There will always be some who have more than you and some who have less than you. Some days you hit the jackpot. Some days the other person hits the jackpot.
I invite you to give up the comparisons.
By the way, how does your Spirit feel when you compare yourself to others? I’m guessing that you don’t feel good about yourself, or anyone else, when you’re comparing. You know you feel lousy when you’re on the losing end of the comparison.
Even when you think you are the one getting the better deal, something inside you knows that the satisfaction you feel is ego-based and not the warm glow from your Spirit. It’s as if you’re rooting against others, so you can say “I win, you lose.” This leads to separation, not connection.
So the next time someone pays less than you did, or gets the office with the window, remember to smile and say, “Good for you!”
And mean it.
– Jeff Keller
(c) 2007