The Judgment Diet
It’s the time of year when many people make New Year’s resolutions. What is the most popular resolution? If the polls and media reports are to be trusted, the most popular change people want to make is this: they want to lose weight. So, they resolve to go on a diet (and exercise) to lose weight.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because I don’t think there is anything magical about making changes at the start of the year. But I have an ongoing resolution. I too am on a diet.
No, I don’t need to shed any extra pounds. I’m on a Judgment Diet. Some people give up sweets and other fattening foods on their diet. I want to give up judging others on my diet.
Those who know me would probably say I’m not judgmental.
Perhaps that’s true in comparison with others. Yet my mind is making judgments all the time. They don’t serve me. But those judgments keep coming. So, I’m still looking for a Judgment Diet that will work, that will put an end to these judgments. Each year I make a little progress, but I still have a long way to go.
I know it’s possible to be non-judgmental because I’ve met some people who have this rare trait. I enjoy yoga classes, and I’ve met several yoga teachers who don’t judge people. They don’t judge the level of the student’s ability; they don’t judge what the student says; they don’t judge anything about the student’s behavior - even if the student is rude or inconsiderate of others.
My father’s aunt was also non-judgmental. She always had a smile, never engaged in any gossip and always saw the good in everyone. I don’t recall her criticizing or judging anyone.
I’ve been to houses of worship in many faiths, and occasionally, I’ll find someone delivering a sermon who is so welcoming and non-judgmental. If you’ve ever watched Pastor Joel Osteen on television, I’d put him in that category. He always has a wide smile and delivers a positive message of hope and inspiration.
When you listen to him, you feel that he understands you and accepts you, without any judgment.
People of all faiths enjoy Joel Osteen’s sermons and read his books. He fills arenas and stadiums across the country when he speaks. His weekly TV program is viewed by 200 million households in the U.S. and in 100 countries around the world.
Why is he so popular? I think it’s because he spreads a message of love and optimism, without judgment.
There are many in the Christian clergy who judge Joel Osteen quite harshly. They do not approve of his messages and feel he is not espousing Biblical principles accurately. They view him as a motivational speaker, not a pastor delivering God’s word.
Whenever I hear these attacks, my mind immediately starts
judging: “Who are these people to criticize Joel Osteen?”
Doesn’t the Bible say “Judge not, lest ye be judged?” And my mind goes off on a rampage, judging those who are judging Joel Osteen. Then I have to remind myself to get back on my Judgment Diet - that these judgments are just making me tense and angry.
Think about the non-judgmental people who you have had the pleasure to meet in your life. When you’re around anyone who is non-judgmental, you feel so much better about yourself. When we feel accepted, we like ourselves. There is a lightness that we feel - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
On the other hand, when we are judging others, or when we are judged, we don’t have that same positive feeling. There is a tightness. We feel it physically, and we also sense a constriction of our spirit.
Once we start judging, we stop loving. That should be enough to convince us to stop judging.
In addition, our judgments do not change the people or events we are judging. And yet our minds continue to generate one judgment after another. We hear about a violent act and we judge the perpetrator. Someone at work fails to fulfill his responsibility and we judge him. Our neighbor’s yard is messy, and we judge that person.
I suppose we are “brainwashed” to judge from an early age. Our parents, even if they were loving, judged us and others. Our teachers judge us. Our friends and relatives judge us. Our employers and co-workers judge us. The media bombards us with judgment. I guess all these judgments take a toll and we automatically become “judgment machines” ourselves.
Whenever I run across someone who is non-judgmental, I always ask, How did you accomplish this? No one has ever given me a “formula” to follow. They will respond by saying something like, “I’m just that way.” So I’m left to solve this puzzle on my own.
I like the way I feel when I am not judging others so I’m going to stay on my Judgment Diet. I invite you to join me. And if you ever find the “secret” to giving up judgment, please let me know!
– Jeff Keller
© 2008