Sitting on the Fence
Are there any areas of your life where you’ve considered making changes, but you just don’t have the courage to take decisive action?
You might be thinking about moving to a different part of the country - or to a different country. Maybe you’re thinking about taking a job with another company in your field, or starting a business of your own. You might even be thinking of making a career change. We’ve all faced these kinds of dilemmas.
When these thoughts arise, we often find ourselves sitting on the fence. We climb to the top of the fence and want to jump to the other side - but we are paralyzed with fear. We daydream about what the other side of the fence will look like, how it will feel. Yet we take no action. We sit on top of the fence.
I’ve experienced this many times in my life, most recently when I started this newsletter. For almost 20 years, I had been writing articles on attitude, motivation and success principles. Over the last few years, I became more and more interested in spiritual growth and wanted to switch my focus to concentrate on the spiritual journey.
However, my business had been built in the traditional self- development niche. I didn’t know how people would respond if I started writing spiritual growth essays. I had no idea how everything would work out financially if I began to devote considerable time to this new focus. Since I was wary of these uncertainties,I sat on the fence for a while.
Eventually, I jumped to the other side of the fence and began writing this newsletter. As someone who has sat on some fences, and jumped to the other side on a number of occasions, let me offer some observations that might be of help to you when considering the areas where you are currently sitting on the fence.
1. Where you are right now is where you should be. Be open to the idea that things in your life happen for a reason. That means if you are sitting on the fence, that’s exactly where you should be. We tend to believe that sitting on the fence is a “bad” thing. I no longer feel that way. Just because you are feeling a desire to make a change doesn’t mean you are ready to make that change right now. You might be ready next week, next month or in two years. If and when you are ready to move to the other side of the fence, your spirit will guide you there. Have faith that all is unfolding perfectly even if you are feeling uneasy right now.
2. You can’t demand that the transition be easy. Most fence sitters are waiting to move to the “new” side of the fence when they can be sure the transition will be relatively smooth. They want a soft landing. That’s not the way things work on this planet!
In most instances, once you land on the others side, all sorts of uncomfortable, unexpected things will happen. You have the ability to deal with them, but in the short term, you may be frightened and disoriented. Therefore, when you do make the jump to the other side, go with this outlook: “I am willing to accept whatever happens.” Believe that God is there with you, guiding you. If roadblocks come up, as they will, believe that they are there to strengthen you.
3. The other side of the fence is not always an improvement.
There are times when the change we are contemplating will not contribute to our happiness and well-being. We often jump to the other side for the “wrong” reasons. We may feel we need to jump because that’s what our friends or family members want us to do, or that’s what society expects us to do. We take a promotion at work because that is the path we are “supposed” to take, even though the new job description doesn’t fit our talents or interests. Our spirit tells us not to jump, but we override this guidance and follow our conditioned beliefs.
There are also instances where we jump to make changes in our external conditions without making any changes internally, at the level of our awareness. We have an unsatisfying relationship and we look for another person to make us happy. We refuse to address our own lack of self-esteem, our own judgmental behavior, our own resentments. In our career, we don’t like our job, so we look for another job. We don’t like the next job, so we change again. We are looking to make changes from the outside, not realizing that we are destined to repeat the same patterns until we change internally. In these situations, we learn over and over that the grass is not greener on the other side.
I suppose we could say that this essay falls within the category of traditional self-help principles. Certainly, there is some overlap. In my experience, most self-help articles on this subject don’t advocate accepting what is. They encourage goal
setting where you are forced to choose where you want to go - and then proactively take steps to reach the other side of the fence. Sitting on the fence is perceived as weakness.
Those with a spiritual perspective will approach it differently. They will listen more to their inner voice and surrender the decision to God. There will be less forcing, and more allowing. They will accept where they are now, even if they are sitting on the fence and unable to jump to the other side. They believe that eventually the divine timing will be right and they will make the jump.
Whether you take a traditional self-help approach, or a spiritual perspective, you will in all likelihood be scared when you jump to the other side of the fence. Your ego will scream and shout about why you shouldn’t have jumped. Eventually the voice of the ego will subside and you will find that there is a power mightier than the ego to guide you as you continue your journey on the other side of the fence.
– Jeff Keller
(c) 2008