If you didn’t have a chance to read Part 1 of this series on the subject of free will, you can read it at www.YourSpiritualJourney.net  .

In this message, I want to continue our investigation of free will by focusing on our thoughts. If you’re a devoted follower of self-development principles (as I am), you’ve probably heard a thousand times that we control our thoughts. At first glance, this principle makes a lot of sense, and we adopt the belief that we have considerable free will to think the thoughts we choose to think.

Instead of simply accepting the idea that we control our thoughts, I invite you to investigate this principle anew, and with an open mind. You may come to the same conclusion you reached before you read this message. That’s fine. At least you can say that you made a thorough investigation and considered all of the evidence.

Are you ready? Let’s examine our thoughts and the extent of our control over them. I’m going to ask you to do an exercise. Please have a piece of paper and pen nearby. It’s an exercise that I have read in numerous books and articles – and I found it very revealing when I actually did the exercise.

Turn away from your computer. Sit comfortably, take a few breaths and relax. I want you to clear your mind. You may find it easier to close your eyes, but feel free to keep them open if you wish. Just feel the breath coming in and going out. Let your mind empty to the extent possible.

When you feel very relaxed, sit for three minutes and don’t try to think about anything. You can glance at a clock every now and then to know when the three minutes have expired. Keep your mind “blank” to the extent you are able. During these three minutes, note the thoughts that come up in your mind. Each time a thought comes up, put a mark on the piece of paper. If your eyes had been closed, just open them, put a mark on the paper, and close your eyes again. You don’t have to describe the thought – just put a mark on the paper for each thought that arises.

When the three minutes have expired, count the number of marks on your piece of paper. How many thoughts did you have during those three minutes when you weren’t trying to think about anything? Don’t be concerned with the number – it could be 3, 30 or 100.

Are you surprised by the number of thoughts you had in this three minute period? Are you surprised by the particular thoughts that arose? Were all of the thoughts inter-related and part of a similar pattern — such as thoughts of various family members? Perhaps some of the thoughts were completely unrelated – such as a thought of a family member, quickly followed by something radically different. (such as a person you haven’t seen in years or what you plan to eat for dinner)

I’m not going to offer any comments about how to interpret this exercise until the next message. I don’t want to influence you by suggesting there are certain results you should expect. Begin to do your own analysis about what happened when you attempted to keep your mind free of any thoughts.

We can also learn about our thoughts if we investigate what happens when we dream during sleep. How much control do You have over the thoughts and images that arise while you’re asleep and dreaming? You know that images and thoughts are arising. Yet, You are not selecting them. Who controls these? Who or what is putting them into Your awareness?

People often refer to these thoughts and images as coming from the “subconscious” mind. No matter what name we use to identify the source of these images, they aren’t coming from any conscious thoughts You are controlling. Some other force appears to be putting these images into Your mind.

As we know, these images and thoughts can relate to something we’re facing in our lives right now – or they can be very bizarre and involve people we don’t know or those we haven’t seen for many years. We can have dreams that involve people who are deceased. Some of the plots are wild, to say the least.

Who provides the content of these stories? Who selects the cast members that will appear in our dreams? If thoughts and images can appear without Your effort while you’re asleep, what makes You think they can’t be supplied to You, without Your “permission,” while you’re awake?

In addition, while we’re awake, we’ve all had the experience of having an unrelated thought pop into our mind. For example, you’re at your desk at work doing some paperwork and all of a sudden you think about something else. You think of what you’re going to do later that day, or a person comes to mind. This new subject just appeared, without any effort on Your part. It seemed to interrupt the current thought. Who put this new subject into Your mind?

No matter how you slice it, I think you have to acknowledge that You don’t control all of Your thoughts. We could argue all day about how much control You have, but the idea that You control all of your thoughts seems to be contradicted by our everyday experiences. We’ve just gone through a series of thoughts You don’t control.

That being said, there is at least the illusion that we are controlling many of our thoughts. I’ll be discussing that issue in the next message, where we’ll also take a look at how certain religions and spiritual traditions have approached this issue.

You might find it helpful to re-read Part 1 of this message. If you read these messages without trying to defend your previously held beliefs, you’ll open to a deeper spiritual connection. This path can be uncomfortable or scary at first, but your efforts will be rewarded.

And, if you think this entire inquiry is a bunch of nonsense and not worthy of your time, that’s fine, too. I don’t think I have much control over which choice You make!

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

In the next few messages, I’m going to discuss the issue of free will. At some point in your life, you’ve probably thought about the extent to which humans have free will. We’re going to dig deeper and do a more thorough investigation than you might have done in the past.

This is not an issue where we can come to a definitive conclusion either way. Yet, I have found that the investigation can help us on the spiritual journey to gain some insights about ourselves and our relationship to God. This inquiry can also help us to understand the workings of the mind and ego.

For some, a discussion of free will is very stimulating. Others might find it silly, or at odds with their religious beliefs.
Some may be scared to go down this path, feeling a loss of control. I invite you to keep an open mind, but don’t be surprised if you get defensive - and your mind vigorously clings to your existing belief system.

I recognize that some of you look for certainty in your spiritual life. That has not been my path. I embrace uncertainty - not about the existence of God, but about the nature of this universe and our relationship to God. With that in mind, let’s jump into this subject of free will.

I’m going to list a series of phenomena and with each, I’d like you to determine whether this is something You control — or whether it is something God controls, without any input from You.

We’ll start with your appearance on this Earth. Did You choose to be born here and did You arrange everything - your date of birth, family, geographical location, and physical characteristics?
Or is that God’s domain? There are some who believe that we do, in fact, choose the circumstances of our earthly birth, but the vast majority would say that those decisions are made by God, without our participation. Personally, I believe that I had nothing to do with showing up here, and that God made the decision.

How about the date of your death? Do you think You determine that - or does God decide? Frequently, when someone dies, you hear people say something like, “Well, when your time is up, you’re out of here,” meaning that God has predetermined the date of each person’s death, and there is nothing the person can do to change it. In any event, trust your own instincts about the extent of control you may have over the date of your death.

Let’s move on to the physical body and its processes. Who controls each of these - God or You? I’ll offer my own view on each, but feel free to disagree with me.

Breathing: I think we can agree God handles this one.

Heart beat and circulatory system: God’s domain.

Genetics, DNA: God’s domain.

Digestion and Absorption: God’s domain.

Elimination Systems: God’s domain.

Healing of cuts and bruises: God’s domain.

Fighting disease/immune system: God’s domain.

All functions of the five senses: God’s domain.

With respect to these body functions (and the organs which carry out these functions), you would agree that You didn’t create them. However, You can certainly argue that You have some influence on how these systems operate. In other words, if you exercise or eat healthy foods, your heart, digestive system and immune system might function more effectively. On the other hand, there is no way for You to be sure of Your role in this.

You don’t know whether You are choosing to eat the healthy foods of Your own choice, or whether this is somehow programmed into you.

Furthermore, we all know people who eat healthy foods and die at a very young age. Why does that happen? How much control do we really have over our health and body functions? At the very least, I think you’d agree that certain results can’t be explained and that whatever control we might have is limited.

In addition, if we control our health, how does a two-month old baby get cancer? The child’s free will couldn’t be developed yet. Some outside force seems to have control over the health of that baby, unless you believe it is a purely random occurrence with no cause. Let’s look at all of the movements and actions of a baby or very young child. Few would claim that the infant has free will in making decisions. Who then is moving the arms and legs of the child, or the head of the child?

If you believe that the child eventually does acquire free will, at what age does this happen? When does God hand over the controls to the child and say, “Now it’s up to You. I’m releasing the control and You can now make decisions on your own. You can move your arms and legs when You choose.” Does this “transfer” happen at two years old? Two years and six months?
Does it vary for each child?

Before we leave this subject of body movements, let’s consider Your body movements as an adult. Are You certain that You are doing all of these each time your arm or leg moves? When you scratch your ear, or put your hand on your face, do You control each of these movements? You cross your legs or move your toes without even thinking about it. Who initiates those movements? Right this moment, your body is moving in ways you’re not even aware of. Who is doing it?

We know that body movements are happening even while you are asleep. You are moving your arms, legs, head and toes while you are asleep. Who is in control of these movements while you are asleep? Obviously, there is some power that is able to move these things without You even being awake! What makes You think this power isn’t moving them when you ARE awake?

Do we hand over the power to move our body when we go to sleep - and then “retrieve” our free will from God when we get up in the morning?

Now, let’s consider Nature and the non-human life forms in the world. This includes the weather, rivers and oceans, planets, stars, galaxies, plants, insects, fish, animals and so forth.
How much control do You have over these things? You didn’t create them. You don’t control the rising and setting of the sun or the movement of the ocean waves.

You could argue that You have some affect on these things as a result of your behavior. Thus, we can cause global warming or pollution of the waterways as a result of our actions. But the everyday functioning of the universe and its life forms are not in Your control. You wouldn’t argue that You control when it is going to rain or where the next earthquake will take place. You wouldn’t say that You control when and where birds fly or what actions bees take in their hives. There is a Higher Power that controls these movements.

The insects and fish don’t have free will. Yet they move about effortlessly. Thus, it seems free will is not required for organisms to move. There is some power that can initiate movements for them. Are you certain that you are exempt from this principle - and that you are controlling all your own movements and making your own decisions?

I’ve given you a lot to chew on. Some of you may be dizzy from all these questions so let’s take a break. Your ego may be getting very defensive now, as it wants you to believe it is controlling the show and that you have extensive free will. When you question the extent of your free will, you are challenging the ego’s power and authority. The ego does not yield gracefully.

When free will is challenged, the ego will often say, “If we don’t have free will, then what is the use of doing anything?
Why not just sit on the couch all day?” This is another smokescreen initiated by the ego. If you didn’t have free will, you wouldn’t have any control over whether you sit on the couch!
Beware of the ego’s tricks and its attempts to distract you from doing this investigation.

In the next message, I will continue our exploration of free will, including a discussion of our thoughts and the extent to which we control them.

I’m not asking you to change your beliefs on the issue of free will based on what you have read thus far. Maintain an open mind as You go through these messages and let Your truth speak to You.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

Today’s message is reprinted with the permission of my dear friend, Gloria Wendroff, founder of Heavenletters™. Since 1999, Gloria has transcribed the inspired word of God as she hears it. She has transcribed over 3,000 Heavenletters™ and e-mails a new one every day to subscribers all over the world. I have been a subscriber to Heavenletters™ for several years and they have touched my heart and been of great value to me on my own spiritual journey. Enjoy this message and for more information about Gloria and Heavenletters™, visit http://www.heavenletters.org

– Jeff Keller

Heavenletter #2155 The Footsteps of Silence

God said:

Seek simple rather than flashy. Flashy means something that comes and goes. It is not lasting. Simplicity, like a carpet once laid, lies there and serves from then on, perhaps not noticed, yet soft to walk on. It wears well.

The noise of excitement doesn’t last. The quiet of simplicity lasts.

The shiny object isn’t always the one that serves. All gold is not shiny. Let shine be a patina that grows. That goes for yourself as well. Just mosey along in life. It’s good. You don’t have to shake the Earth.

You want peace, and yet you crave tumultuousness. Don’t tell Me you don’t. You rather favor being perturbed and disturbed. If you did not, why would you experience them so grandly? Has not being perturbed and disturbed appeased some sense of injustice you carry within you? The world is often not just. Be just to yourself and do not harbor injustice. Harbor that which you want to harbor. Or do you need tumultuousness for other reasons? Do you perhaps need your skin to be pinched in order to wake up and know that you are alive?

Be alive in silence. The stillness within rises like the crest of the moon, and you are enlivened. Plants grow from their roots in the soil. You grow from the silence of the deep. There is no hurry.

A giant does not have to walk fast for his steps are great, and he can encompass the universe in one step. Your one step is the silence within. Reach that harbor of solid silentness, and you are on land.
You need no sparkles but your eyes and your heart.

You may love candy, but it doesn’t satisfy your appetite. A taste of the silence within satisfies like nothing in the world can. You cannot change this. What is scintillating today is not tomorrow.

Welcome a sense of peace. Breathe deeply. You are not supposed to be panting. Be still, and let treasure fall on you. There is much treasure you will notice when you are out of the noise. Noise has blocked your ears. You thought you wanted more noise, louder noise, startling noise, the louder the better, but it is silence that ushers in the dawn. And you are on the cusp of the dawn.

You may think noise wakes you up. It keeps you from rest certainly. Let the sunlight wake you up. When the sun comes over the horizon, open your eyes.

You do not need noise to drown out your thoughts. Do not be so afraid of your thoughts, even the recurring ones. Let them dry in the sun. You will see them in their true colors. They may fade altogether. If you do not like your thoughts, let them go. You do not need to sweep them out with a broom. Just let them go out the door of your mind. No matter how much they have clamored for your attention, or inattention, they will jostle themselves out the door. Give them quietness, and they will have the decency to leave. You certainly can live without your egregious thoughts. You are not dependent upon them. They have been dependent on you, leeching on you, distracting you from the silence of your heart.

Goodness doesn’t make noise. It is quiet. War is noisy. Peace is silent. A breeze blows peace. A raging wind makes war. Choose peace today. Inner peace first, and then see all that follows. You may think you want excitement, but that can only be because you haven’t experienced peace enough. Know it now.

© 2008 Heavenletters™

To learn more about Heavenletters™ and subscribe, go to http://www.heavenletters.org

You’re invited to the wedding of a friend or relative. Naturally, you give the newlyweds a gift to celebrate the occasion. Three months after the wedding, you haven’t received an acknowledgment of your gift.

How would you feel?

If you’re like most people, you’re annoyed. Extremely annoyed. How can the newly married couple not send a thank you note? How rude! Your thoughts now focus on their impoliteness and it is difficult for you to think about this couple in a positive way. It’s likely that you are calling others who attended the wedding, asking them if they received a thank you note from this couple.

If you arranged to ship the gift to the newlyweds, you might say that you are concerned about whether they received it. While it’s true that you might have this concern, it is not the main reason for your obsession. If someone were to confirm that the couple did, in fact, receive the gift, would you then be perfectly content? No, because the REAL problem is that you didn’t get a thank you note.

I’ll be the first to admit that it is not good manners to fail to acknowledge a gift. It IS rude and will cause others to be resentful.

As we mature and grow spiritually, we begin to see this situation differently. We aren’t bothered as much by the way people respond (or don’t respond) when we give them a gift. Our joy is in the giving of the gift – and what happens after that is of little or no importance.

When we care about getting a thank you, we’re giving a conditional gift. In essence we’re saying, “I’m giving you a gift, but it’s on the condition that you thank me for giving it to you.” This is our ego speaking, demanding praise and recognition for our actions. We want to be told how nice and generous we are.

Sure, it’s nice to be appreciated. But it’s not something we need. Virtually all religions teach unconditional love – extending love to others without regard to what we might get in return. The same principle applies in giving a gift. It should be unconditional, an expression of our joy and willingness to give. The gift is complete when it is given – not when the thank you note arrives.

My guess is that you have friends and relatives who are in the habit of not acknowledging gifts. Slowly, I am coming to understand that this is not something to take personally. For some reason, these people don’t like to write thank you notes. Perhaps they are lazy. Perhaps their parents never emphasized the importance of acknowledging gifts in a timely manner. Why get annoyed when these people don’t thank you? All you do is create stress when you set conditions and they are not met. You then begin to generate negative thoughts toward the person who did not acknowledge you. When you are tense and angry, you can be sure that you are disconnected from your spirit.

Love without condition. Give without expectation. Easier said than done, but I think this is the way our spirit wants us to live. This approach will bring us more peace, more joy and less tension. That’s much better than the way we feel when we’re waiting for a thank you.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

In Part 1 of this message, I focused on business and community groups. If you didn’t get a chance to read Part 1 you can find it at http://www.YourSpiritualJourney.net  .

Let’s talk about religious affiliations now. If you are part of a house of worship or congregation, how do you feel about your membership in that congregation? Do you feel that all members are welcomed and loved without judgment? Do you feel pressure to adopt beliefs or practices that you don’t believe are spiritually sound?

Note: I am fully aware that many leaders of congregations would explain that certain beliefs and practices are “non-negotiable,” that they are an integral part of the religion and that you don’t get to pick and choose the beliefs and practices you wish to follow. This is an area where you must form your own conclusions.

I also recognize that we can benefit from a group even if the group is not “perfect.” There may be a few things that we don’t like about the group, yet the advantages far outweigh the things we don’t like. This is especially true when considering our membership in a congregation or worship group. The services and fellowship that the congregation offers may help us to grow spiritually.

On the other hand, we must be honest and identify those practices or beliefs exhibited by the group that are not enhancing our spiritual connection. This is not an “all or nothing” evaluation. We may give a 95% positive rating to our congregation. In that case, we are deriving substantial spiritual sustenance from that group. But if we gave a positive rating of 50%, then we’d be recognizing that there is a lot going on in the congregation that is not feeding our spirit.

Here’s a good test to assess your current feelings about your affiliation with a congregation or worship group. Let’s assume a family is moving into your neighborhood and will be living on your street. This new family is of the same religion as you. On the day they move in, the husband and wife walk over to you and start discussing things about the neighborhood.

They ask you if you attend religious services. You tell them where you belong. They reply, “We are considering being part of that same congregation. We wanted to hear from someone who attends services there what they think of that congregation. Is it an uplifting congregation where you can always feel God’s love? Is there a lot of judgment and gossip? What can you tell us about the leadership? We’d appreciate hearing your honest feelings about this congregation.”

How would you respond if you were going to tell them exactly what you feel in your heart about your congregation? Would the majority of your comments be uplifting as you tell them all the wonderful benefits you derive from being in this congregation? Or, would a considerable portion of the discussion focus on what you find “wrong” with this congregation?

Do you feel the leadership and the congregants are shining examples of the tenets of your religion, or do you feel their behavior actually conflicts with the principles of your religion? Congregations and worship groups are led by humans, so we can’t expect perfection. Your heart knows what level of imperfection is acceptable.

Depending on your religion and your geographical location, you may not have alternatives when it comes to selecting a place of worship. But in many instances, you do have a choice. You could join another group or another congregation. Only you can make a decision as to what is best for you and your family.

We need to face the fact that religious organizations, like business organizations, involve politics, power struggles and a clash of egos. If these are kept to a minimum, you can still derive enormous benefits by being part of the congregation. However when the conduct gets “out of hand” it is time to stop kidding yourself and to realize that the group may be doing more harm than good when it comes to your spiritual development.

I continue to believe that our deepest spiritual growth and understanding must come from our personal relationship with God. Groups can serve a vital role in nurturing that evolving relationship. They provide structure and offer us spiritual nourishment on a regular basis. When we connect with others who have tremendous faith, we feel the power and presence of God.

However, it is important that we resist the temptation to conform to all group beliefs and practices, when our hearts clearly tell us some of these beliefs and practices are not spiritually sound.

Following your own heart requires courage. The spiritual path demands nothing less.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

As each year goes by, I have less and less interest in belonging to groups. As my spiritual beliefs grow, my desire to be part of a group goes in the opposite direction.

I’m referring to all groups and organizations, but particularly those where you actively participate in some way (or are expected to participate). These include political clubs, trade associations, community groups, and even groups relating to your hobbies or leisure. Religious affiliations and congregations also constitute group involvement, but I’m not going to discuss them in this message. Instead, I will examine them in the next issue of this newsletter.

You might cherish your involvement with groups. They may be helpful to you in your business and in your personal affairs. That’s fine. I’m not trying to get you to renounce your affiliation with groups. This is an invitation to explore whether the groups you belong to are helping you – or hindering you – on your spiritual path.

Let’s consider the business, community and other groups to which you now belong. You might want to take a piece of paper and write down the groups you belong to. As you consider each group, ask yourself: “In what ways does my involvement in this group feed my spirit, and in what ways does it drain my spirit?”

If the very thought of the group gets you excited, your involvement is probably feeding your spirit. If the thought of the group has you focused primarily on its negative aspects, or how it takes up too much of your time, chances are your spirit is being drained. If you have a neutral feeling about the group, this may suggest that your spirit would be better served if you allocated your time to something other than the group.

Many of us cling to our groups out of habit. We’ve been a member of the group for a long time, so we feel we should continue to be a member and support the group. We don’t really want to participate in the group’s meetings, programs or committees, but we feel guilty about saying “no” or leaving the group altogether. Your spiritual core knows you are “wasting” your time staying involved in this group; however, you are too concerned about how others would perceive you if you decided to leave the group.

As you grow spiritually, there are aspects of groups that may begin to bother you. You dislike the politics and power struggles that are part of almost every group. You have difficulty tolerating the pettiness and the rigid adherence to certain practices that no longer make sense to you. In some cases, you look at the dwindling attendance at the meetings and wonder why you’re still involved with the group.

In almost any group, there is pressure to conform. The leadership has a view about where the group should be headed, and change is often resisted. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Trust your own feelings and be honest enough to admit if your spirit is rebelling and urging you to drop out of the group.

In my experience, conformity is an obstacle to our spiritual growth. We need to develop our own personal connection with God and to do what our inner voice tells us to do. When we feel pressure to follow the rules and practices of a group, we often deny our own wishes or act in ways we don’t feel are right.

You can make a strong argument that we have to learn to compromise in life and that one of the best ways to learn this skill is by participating in groups. You can also say that groups help to keep us connected with others and provide valuable learning opportunities. All this is true.

But I’m talking about your spiritual growth here. Groups can take up a lot of your time and they can push you to do things you don’t believe in. The time you were spending with the group is time you can spend with your family, or doing some other activity such as exercising. It is time you could spend by yourself, in solitude.

In our 20s, 30s and 40s, we wear our group affiliations and committee responsibilities as a badge of honor. We brag about how busy we are, and we’re proud of all that we’re accomplishing. And then, when we reach our 50s, many of us realize we’re playing a game that will not bring us lasting satisfaction or spiritual fulfillment. We’ve grown tired of the conformity. We know the time could be better spent elsewhere.

We can grow spiritually by being part of groups. Yet I think there is a limit to where we can go spiritually in a group setting. I believe the deepest spiritual connection is found when we have a one-on-one relationship with God. We listen to the guidance we are receiving from God, and we can act on whatever we hear, not having to get anyone else’s approval.

You might be part of certain networking groups or business trade associations where you dislike some things about the group but you feel it is important to remain as a member because you can get some business as a result of your membership in these groups. There’s nothing wrong with continuing your membership.

Concentrate on those groups that are draining your spirit and where you aren’t getting many tangible benefits. Have the courage to leave those groups, regardless of what others say or think.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

This message was contributed by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve publishes Achieve! Ezine , an excellent weekly online newsletter that will inspire you and renew your spirit. You’ll find a link to his web site at the end of his essay.

– Jeff Keller

A Strong Character

Contributed by Steve Brunkhorst

_______________________________________________________
Character and Conduct

Conduct is what we do; character is what we are.

Conduct is the outward life; character is the life unseen, hidden within, yet evidenced by that which is seen.

Conduct is external, seen from without; character is internal–operating within.

Character is the state of the heart; conduct is its outward expression.

Character is the root of the tree; conduct is the fruit it bears.

- E. M. Bounds

_______________________________________________________

Character, as we usually think of it, is a temporary collection of personality traits which we develop during our time on earth. This is the character we build with each choice in our lives, and it reflects our deepest values through our actions.

At the spiritual level, we have a much broader character that can also grow; and, unlike the character of human personality, it can continue to grow stronger eternally. It is by handling the challenges of life in ways that make character strong, that we also grow stronger spiritually.

Why build a strong character, and how can we do that?

A strong character in daily life is a positive influence upon others. However, our character also influences our own lives, often unseen, moment by moment, for our inner state determines our actions, attitudes, and ultimate growth.

Emerson once wrote, “The force of character is cumulative.” He was referring not only to the influence of character upon others, but of the expansion created in one’s own spirit–in that “state of the heart” that E. M. Bounds mentioned in today’s nugget.

Here are ten ways that will help to build a strong character…

1. Practice patience when those around you are hurried.

2. Act with faith and diligence when others show mistrust or lack of commitment.

3. Be gentle when you meet with cruelty and harsh temperament.

4. Be courteous, even when others do not show courtesy.

5. Give generously to those who have nothing to give.

6. Communicate peace to those who are saddened or anxious.

7. Express gratitude for every experience and person you have known.

8. Act with self-control when dealing with those who are out of control.

9. Be encouraging to those who are discouraged.

10. Act with self-discipline, even when it is difficult to take correct actions.

All life experiences invite us to grow in spirit. In each circumstance, God’s will is working to teach us about the ultimate state of love from which he created us to be unique individuals. May you experience the peace and love in His gift of a strong and lasting character.

Wishing you blessings and success!

Steve Brunkhorst

© Copyright 2008 by Steve Brunkhorst. All rights reserved worldwide. Find many inspirational nuggets and resources for achievement by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

If you’re like me, you’ve read countless articles on the importance of listening. You’ve heard dozens of relationship experts explain that spouses need to listen to each other to develop a strong marriage.

We know listening is important. We know that it enhances our relationships with others, at home and in the workplace. Yet we also know how tough it is to become a better listener. We make a little progress here and there, but few among us will claim to have mastered the art of listening.

Consider the following scenarios:

You begin to tell someone that you daughter just left to start college. Before you get five seconds into the story, the other person interrupts, saying “When MY daughter went to college…”

You begin to tell someone that your back is hurting. Before you get five seconds into the story, the other person interrupts, saying “When MY back went out last year, …”

In each case, the person you were speaking to just couldn’t listen. They had to break in and start talking. Why is it so hard for people to listen? It comes down to ego.

Your ego believes that one of the best ways to show how clever you are is by talking. The ego wants to be the center of attention. If you are listening, your ego is yielding center stage to the other person. Your ego would have you believe that the way to impress others is to tell them about yourself – going on and on about your experiences and your wisdom. After all, you’re the important one in this group. The other individuals should be listening to YOU.

Paradoxically, the opposite is true. When you are constantly talking, people think less of you. They resent that you have interrupted them and they quickly realize that you want to dominate the conversation. They are more impressed and feel a strong spiritual connection when you actively listen. By listening, you show that you really care about the other person – and what he or she has to say.

There’s another reason why the ego discourages you from listening. The ego sets up a filter based on your belief system – and won’t permit information to permeate that filter if the information is not consistent with your current beliefs. Therefore, you can appear to be listening, but you aren’t taking in what the other person is saying. You’re thinking of something else – what you have to do later in the day, or more likely, what you’re going to say when you interrupt the other person.

If what the other person says is something you disagree with, you’re busy preparing your rebuttal, to show why your view is right and the other person is wrong. This is particularly true when the issue is a highly charged one, such as your spiritual beliefs. Most people have an ego that won’t allow too much “new” information to enter. Once the ego’s beliefs are threatened, the ego gets defensive. It doesn’t like change. It wants to maintain the status quo.

I’ve noticed that people who are growing spiritually become better listeners. They realize that listening from the heart is a gift that we give to others who cross our path. We share our humanity just be being together, even in silence. No talking has to take place. Our hearts talk to each other in a way that our minds can’t.

When the other person is speaking, we can listen without judgment, without filters, without worrying about what we will say in response. We just listen. We have nothing to prove. There will be no winner and no loser in the discussion.

Listening is a lot like gratitude in the sense that we give lip service to its value, and then can’t put it into practice regularly. We fall back into our habit of not listening, just as fail to count our blessings often enough.

We need constant reminders. If your listening could use a little improvement (and I am certainly in this group!), consider writing the words “More Listening/Less Ego” on a piece of paper and keep it on your desk where you will see it all day. You might also put it in your wallet or purse. This will encourage you to listen more and pay attention to what others are saying.

In addition, while you are speaking, recognize what your ego is doing. You can do this even while you keep talking! In the back of your mind, you’ll say to yourself, “there I go trying to sound important.” And you might bring your talking to a close, and let the other party have the floor.

We’ve received many tips about being a better listener and yet we fail to implement them. I think it’s because we overlook the real problem, which is the Ego. As you begin to see the role your ego plays in all of this, you will learn to talk less and listen more attentively.

Spiritual growth is sure to follow.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

My father lived to the age of 86, and he had a wonderful sense of humor. He liked to laugh and to kid around with people in a gentle way. My dad collected what he considered interesting quotes and phrases. He would jot them down on a piece of paper if he read something that caught his attention in a book or magazine — or if he heard something in an audio program, or on TV or radio. Some of the quotes are philosophical and some are funny.

In this message, I want to share with you some of the humorous phrases he collected over the years.

1. Buffet: a French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”

2. Tatoo: permanent proof of temporary insanity

3. If you can honestly say that you have nothing to hide, you are really, really unusual.

4. The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

5. To make a long story short there is nothing like having the boss walk in.

6. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

7. A minor operation (surgery) is one that is done on someone else.

8. People pray for immortality, but many do not know what to do on Sunday afternoon.

9. Marriage is the most expensive way to get advice for nothing.

I hope some of these quotes brought a smile to your face. The spiritual journey has its ups and downs and we tend to get overly serious when we ponder the mysteries of life. Find time today and every day to smile and laugh. It’s a lesson I learned from my dad and it has served me well.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008