Waiting for a Thank You
You’re invited to the wedding of a friend or relative. Naturally, you give the newlyweds a gift to celebrate the occasion. Three months after the wedding, you haven’t received an acknowledgment of your gift.
How would you feel?
If you’re like most people, you’re annoyed. Extremely annoyed. How can the newly married couple not send a thank you note? How rude! Your thoughts now focus on their impoliteness and it is difficult for you to think about this couple in a positive way. It’s likely that you are calling others who attended the wedding, asking them if they received a thank you note from this couple.
If you arranged to ship the gift to the newlyweds, you might say that you are concerned about whether they received it. While it’s true that you might have this concern, it is not the main reason for your obsession. If someone were to confirm that the couple did, in fact, receive the gift, would you then be perfectly content? No, because the REAL problem is that you didn’t get a thank you note.
I’ll be the first to admit that it is not good manners to fail to acknowledge a gift. It IS rude and will cause others to be resentful.
As we mature and grow spiritually, we begin to see this situation differently. We aren’t bothered as much by the way people respond (or don’t respond) when we give them a gift. Our joy is in the giving of the gift – and what happens after that is of little or no importance.
When we care about getting a thank you, we’re giving a conditional gift. In essence we’re saying, “I’m giving you a gift, but it’s on the condition that you thank me for giving it to you.” This is our ego speaking, demanding praise and recognition for our actions. We want to be told how nice and generous we are.
Sure, it’s nice to be appreciated. But it’s not something we need. Virtually all religions teach unconditional love – extending love to others without regard to what we might get in return. The same principle applies in giving a gift. It should be unconditional, an expression of our joy and willingness to give. The gift is complete when it is given – not when the thank you note arrives.
My guess is that you have friends and relatives who are in the habit of not acknowledging gifts. Slowly, I am coming to understand that this is not something to take personally. For some reason, these people don’t like to write thank you notes. Perhaps they are lazy. Perhaps their parents never emphasized the importance of acknowledging gifts in a timely manner. Why get annoyed when these people don’t thank you? All you do is create stress when you set conditions and they are not met. You then begin to generate negative thoughts toward the person who did not acknowledge you. When you are tense and angry, you can be sure that you are disconnected from your spirit.
Love without condition. Give without expectation. Easier said than done, but I think this is the way our spirit wants us to live. This approach will bring us more peace, more joy and less tension. That’s much better than the way we feel when we’re waiting for a thank you.
– Jeff Keller
© 2008