If We Could Read the Entire File
Imagine for a moment that each of us had a file that contained all of the significant events and emotions that we have experienced from the day we were born until today. The file would include stories about people who treated us well and people who mistreated or abused us. It would include details about our parents and siblings — and how they interacted with us as we were growing up.
The file would have details about our experiences at school and our relationships with friends and classmates. Were we confident… or did we feel inferior and “out of place”? All of this information would be in our file.
The file would have all of our successes and all of our “failures.” It would describe all of the embarrassing situations we faced and precisely how we felt while going through these experiences. If a particular event has haunted us for decades, the file would reveal details about that. All of our work experiences would be revealed.
Simply put, this file would reveal how we came to be the person we are today. Because this file also contains a report of our innermost thoughts, the contents of parts of the file would shock even those who know us well. On certain issues, friends or relatives would say, “I never knew that happened to you” or “I never knew you felt that way.” No matter how much we claim to know someone else, we don’t have access to all of their thoughts and feelings.
Every day, we make judgments about people without having access to their file. We don’t know the full picture of that person’s life. Yet when that person commits an act we find immoral, illegal or offensive, we are quick to condemn the person. We may even admit that we hate the person for what they have done.
Might we think differently if we could read the entire file on that person’s life? Would we be a little more understanding of what led the individual to act as he or she did?
Over the years, I have seen this quote by Marvin J. Ashton and I want to share it with you:
“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.”
I think there is much wisdom in Mr. Ashton’s words. We have a knee-jerk reaction when we hear about someone who commits a violent crime or who molests a child. We might refer to these people as “barbaric” or “vicious animals.” These harsh words are the words of the ego, which seeks to establish our moral superiority over others. After all, we could never engage in such conduct… unless, perhaps, we had experiences in our background that were similar to the person who committed the unkind act.
It reminds me of the often quote phrase, “There but for the grace of God, go I.”
If you were raised by the criminal’s parents, lived in the same neighborhood as the criminal, went to the same schools as the criminal, and had the very same life experiences as the criminal, what makes you think you wouldn’t act as the criminal acted? You can’t judge the criminal’s actions based on YOUR background.
This message is not limited to violent criminal acts. It applies to any behavior we find offensive.
This doesn’t mean we should approve of or endorse violent or immoral behavior. It doesn’t mean we eliminate prisons. I’m not saying people who commit violent or harmful acts should roam free.
However, condemning others or hating them does not serve us. Reacting that way is a violation of the spirit. Calling it “human nature” doesn’t make it spiritually sound. Virtually all religions tell us to love ourselves and to love others. The Bible states, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Nowhere does it say, “Love others as yourself, but you are free to hate those who commit the following acts: …..”
The principle is unconditional. Our challenge in growing spiritually is to move away from “human nature.” It’s not an easy thing to do, especially if you or a family members have been on the receiving end of an act of violence. If God loves ALL of creation, what gives us the right to hate or condemn?
The next time you are about to condemn another or express your dislike or hatred for another human being, ask yourself: If I read the entire file on this person, and learned everything they experienced since birth, might I feel differently?
As Mr. Ashton suggested, you might treat that person “much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.”
– Jeff Keller
© 2008