Oh My
“My.” Such a little word, but a word with huge implications.
My child.
My team.
My country.
Simply put, we favor those people, those things and even those concepts that are close to us. Therefore, we love our child more than the neighbor’s child or the child living thousands of miles away.
In sporting events, I want MY team to win, and I am happy if the members of the other team play poorly.
And of course, we are proud of our own country, and feel a closer allegiance to our country as opposed to the other countries of the world.
You might think, “how can it possibly be any other way?” It’s human nature, and perhaps a built-in instinct, to favor “MY” over any other.
From a spiritual perspective, the preference for “MY” isn’t so obvious. Why should you hurt less, or feel less compassion, if a child thousands of miles away is ill or mistreated? Why is it different if a child in another country is killed during a war, as opposed to your own child being killed?
Do any spiritual texts support this different treatment between “my” and other? Doesn’t the Bible command us to love our neighbor as ourselves? If we love our neighbor as ourselves, then we can’t show any preference for my child, my team or my country.
The problem with that little word “my” is what flows from it. Once I declare “my” to be preferential, I am declaring all else to be less important, or less worthy of my attention.
Furthermore, the ego welcomes the opportunity to engage in comparisons and prove that “my” is superior to the other. For example, consider the sporting events at the Olympic games. Citizens of each country feel some pride or superiority when the athletes of their country defeat the athletes from the “other” country.
Why can’t we just enjoy the skill of the athletes and accept whatever result happens? Why is it better if the athlete from “my” country wins? As you know, the outcomes of these games are so important to some governments that those athletes who lose are seen as having disgraced their country.
This comparison stuff is the work of the ego; the spirit can’t possibly engage in such nonsense.
This is not a simple thing to “fix.” We have been conditioned to place so much emphasis on our own possessions, our own families, and our own country. To some, it might seem impossible to even consider thinking or acting otherwise. We have allowed our minds to dominate our lives, and the mind generally looks to divide and separate, to protect what is “mine” and to establish superiority over the “other.”
Even when we try to harness the power of the mind for charitable purposes – to help others – the results are often frustrating. We attempt to send food or aid to other countries – and the governments or military units of the other countries often block that aid from getting to the people who need it. What we’re running up against is the “MY” on the other side. The country receiving the aid has its own belief system, its own “MY” to protect.
By the way, when we donate money or food to the less fortunate, we still don’t view the others as equal to our own. Thus, if our children are starving, we continue to view it differently than children in other countries who are starving. We are more distressed when the calamity is happening to our own children.
The solution is not found by feeling equally sad for every living creature in this world who is suffering. That wouldn’t help either. We’d end up miserable and we wouldn’t be able to remedy the difficulties all over the world.
I think the only place to find the answer here is by checking in with our spirit. No strategies of the mind will resolve this issue. When each of us allows the separation of “my” and “other” to loosen, and we see God in everything, we will find some peace and begin to receive some guidance. We may be led to help others who are less fortunate – but we won’t try to cure all the world’s ills, something that only the mind would attempt… and inevitably fail at.
The most important thing would not be the specific actions we would take; instead, it would be our very nature of overflowing compassion and love — which would affect others in a profound way. The person who sees all in unity and love changes the world more quickly than those who are forming committees or urging others to action.
The most important world is our own inner world. Develop the sense of “we” and you will begin to see the interconnectedness of all beings. Slowly, the “my” will weaken and spirit can work its wonders.
You probably have a million questions and comments running through your mind now. This is not an easy subject to examine, especially when virtually all of our belief systems reinforce separation and preference. To really dive into it requires that you be willing to look at your world in radically different ways.
My oh my.
– Jeff Keller
© 2008