Why Aren’t They Dancing?
You’re at a party or a wedding where music is playing and people are dancing. Perhaps you feel the desire to get up and dance.
Of course, you also notice that some people at the party are not dancing. They may be watching the others dancing, but they seem to have no desire to get up and dance themselves.
The band leader or disc jockey then raises his or her voice and attempts to persuade those who are sitting to get up and dance. Most of those sitting still have no interest in getting up to dance. Often the band leader or disc jockey keeps trying to get those people off their behinds and on the dance floor.
At the same time, some of those who are getting up to dance also look over at friends or relatives who are sitting and try to persuade them to join the dancers. Occasionally, those who were sitting and didn’t want to dance – will get up and dance. Many will remain seated.
Here’s my question: why do many people at the party try to convince those who are sitting that they SHOULD get up and dance?
From the standpoint of the band members or the person playing the music, I suppose they are trying to create as much movement and energy as possible. This can heighten the excitement felt by those at the party.
But aren’t we forgetting about the wishes of those who don’t want to dance. Why is it acceptable to ignore their wishes?
Those who like to dance will just say that they want their friends or relatives to join in on the fun. Yet they may be missing the point – that those who are being coaxed to get up and dance are not going to have fun by dancing.
The dancers are assuming that their idea of fun “should” be the same for all.
Let’s look at this from another angle. What if one of the people who wasn’t dancing asked one of the dancers, “Would you like to go to the opera tomorrow night?” or “Would you like to visit a museum tomorrow?” There’s a reasonable chance that the dancer would have no interest in going to the opera or visiting the museum. And if the dancer showed no interest at all, or answered, “No,” would it make sense for the “non-dancer” to keep saying to the dancer that he or she SHOULD want to attend the opera or go to the museum?
You’d probably say that the non-dancer should just leave the other person alone. What is the difference when trying to persuade someone to dance?
Some people like to dance. Some people like to go to the opera. Some people like to visit museums.
This is certainly not a “life or death” issue and you can come up with arguments on both sides. What I’m learning as I travel on this path is that it’s ok to just let people do what they want. There is no need to pressure them to conform to any behavior, even if it is the behavior of the majority.
We always tell young people not to succumb to peer pressure. We say, “Don’t do what your friends are doing if it doesn’t feel right to you.”
And then, as adults, we exert peer pressure on other adults, trying to get them to behave as we like to behave, instead of allowing them to live as they choose.
I make a distinction here between coaxing our children to try a new activity as opposed to persuading another adult. It makes sense to encourage a 12-year old at his or her first dance to get up and dance. The 12-year old is afraid to dance and hasn’t engaged in the activity. If persuaded, the child may enjoy dancing.
However, the situation is different with a 40- year old. That person has in most cases danced before, but simply chooses not to dance now. There comes a point where we no longer need to pressure an adult to act in a way that he or she doesn’t wish to act.
Naturally, this isn’t only about dancing. It’s about any area where we try to run another’s life or tell them what to do. When someone doesn’t want to participate in an activity, maybe the best thing to do is accept their decision.
– Jeff Keller
© 2008