The Courage to Walk Away (Reader Comments)
I received many fascinating emails from subscribers in which they offered their experiences and insights on the subject of “walking away.” Here are some of them:
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“At age 18 I had the courage to walk away from my entire family.
My parents and relatives moved from the south to California in the 1950’s. They grew up when races were segregated and had very bigoted views regarding anyone who was not Caucasian. While growing up I never felt like I fit in our family and it didn’t feel right not talking or spending time with someone who was not of my race. I have always been the gregarious type and I love to talk with all types of people.
As I entered my teens I decided to talk with anyone I chose and had nasty verbal fights with my mother (she divorced my father when I was two). Our mother and daughter relationship deteriorated at a rapid pace between age 15 - 18 because we both thought we were right and neither of us was really listening to each other anymore. All I wanted to do was graduate from high school and move out of my mother’s house. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but that was the plan.
One week after I graduated at age 18, my mother and I had a nasty blow out regarding my decision to go to work and not go to college. After a 2-hour fight going nowhere, I packed my clothes in three paper bags with hatred in my heart and just walked away. My life was a roller coaster of uncertainty and took quite awhile to get on the right track. I did finally get a good job and met the man of my dreams, who is still my husband today. Being in a more positive environment helped me become more confident and grow as a person.
Although we lived nearby and saw each other from a distance, my mother and I never spoke a word to each other in 17 years. Then a neighborhood issue made it necessary for us to speak. We just chatted like the other neighbors who hadn’t met yet and then departed. Over the coming months we saw each other more and more and started chatting a bit more and started to develop a friendship. My mother admitted she did not handle our blow out 17 years earlier very well, and regretted losing her daughter over it. We decided to agree that we had and still have different points of view, but would wipe the slate clean and start over. She wouldn’t judge my lifestyle and I would not judge her lifestyle.
For the next two years I had a new best friend. We had a relationship better than we ever had before and my love for her grew at a rapid pace. Then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I had to endure watching her wither away from me over the next few months. At first I felt very guilty that I walked away 17 years earlier and we only had two years as adults together. Then I realized I couldn’t change the past and became very grateful that I was able to change my life in a direction that was best for me, and was given two years to mend our riff in lieu of a lifetime full of regrets.
For me walking away was the best choice because I was able to grow into the person I wanted to be. It also gave my mother time to reflect on her life and she turned out to be much more tolerant and enjoyable person who enjoyed her life more. I don’t have any regrets about my
decision to walk away; however I know in my heart that I would not feel this way if I had not had the time to mend fences with my mother before her passing.”
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“When I was in high school, I was one of the top clarinet players in the state of Georgia. I had
devoted the majority of my teen years towards music and musical performance achievement.
However, by the time I arrived at the end of my junior year, I had lost all interest in playing.
Even though I had made it to All State (a prestigious event where all of the best high school musicians get together for three days to play music), I didn’t go. Ultimately, I stopped playing the clarinet after my junior year.
A lot of people thought I was crazy or that I was making a poor decision. I could have gone
on and played in college and gotten scholarships, but I knew that I would be unhappy if I chose
that route. My heart just wasn’t in playing any more. I knew that it was time for me to move
on to bigger and better things, and I gave myself permission to change course. Ten years later,
I’ve never once regretted my decision. When you follow your heart, you truly can never go wrong.”
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“When I was in my early twenties I got a great job working as an Administrative Assistant. My Dad was president of the company and so excited to be able to offer an opportunity with advancement potential. I hated it. I was always late. I struggled to stay a wake most days. I never felt like I earned my pay check. I sincerely tried to work hard and deserve the opportunity. I could not get fired and I very much felt like they should have been, I even told my supervisor so. I finally told my Dad I had to quit.
I ended up working as a waitress and really enjoyed the pressure, the interaction and the activity. I don’t think he ever quite understood the decision but he respected it. All these years later I can say I’m proud of the decision. The experiences that came from what seemed an irrational decision then have been so invaluable over the years.”
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I wish to thank all those who contributed their experiences and insights on this topic.
– Jeff Keller