Most of us are familiar with the baseball rule, “three strikes and you’re out.” This principle is also applied in other life situations, such as in the workplace. For instance, an employer might allow a worker to be late a few times before firing that person. Or, we might allow a person to make a few mistakes before we decide to fire that person.

Parents may use a similar approach with their children. The first time the child misbehaves there is a warning. A more strict warning is issued the second time. On the third incident, the parent might impose a harsh punishment.

In recent years, I’ve noticed a variation on this principle – and it is being applied not only to behavior that we find intolerable, but also to beliefs we find offensive. The rule I’m referring to is:

One strike and you’re out.

Here’s how it works. If John has one belief that Mary doesn’t like or finds offensive, then Mary wants nothing to do with John. Mary will not listen to John. She will not respect John. John becomes an outcast in her eyes and NOTHING he can say or do has any worth or value to her. Mary’s aim is to “banish” John from “her” world.

A good example of this is the invitation that the University of Notre Dame extended to President Barack Obama to be the graduation speaker at its May 17 graduation ceremony. Because President Obama has supported the rights of women to have abortions in certain instances, many people associated with Notre Dame (clergy and alumni) said the President should not have been invited to speak to the graduates.

One strike and he was out – that was their view. Because he did not condemn abortion, he should not have the right to address the graduates. In the end, President Obama did speak at Notre Dame and was well received. The vast majority of the students and alumni welcomed him.

It’s important to stress that President Obama did not go to Notre Dame to talk about abortion rights. He was there to give the graduates inspiration and helpful advice on how to live their lives after graduating.

Can we say that President Obama has nothing of value to say to the graduates because he is not against all abortions?

You’re free to take that position and I’m not here to argue for or against abortion. Believe as you wish.

However, those who want to banish people or “muzzle” them because of their stance on ONE issue are, in my view, perpetuating an intolerance that is not consistent with any definition of spiritual growth. (unless you define spiritual growth as only accepting people who agree with your core beliefs).

It is my feeling that even those who advocate this “one strike and you’re out” philosophy don’t even believe it themselves. We can find situations where they will quickly abandon this philosophy.

For example, let’s say Jim is against abortion and feels it is murder. He doesn’t want any proponent of abortion to speak at his daughter’s graduation. He doesn’t want anyone who supports abortion to be on his local school board. Pro-abortion people, in Jim’s world, are murderers to be denounced.

Jim’s daughter has a serious illness. She is dying. There is only one doctor in the world who can perform a revolutionary new operation that could save his daughter. You guessed it – the doctor supports abortion rights. Would Jim allow this pro-abortion doctor to save his daughter’s life…or would he whisper to his daughter, “I’m sorry, honey. I’d love to help you but this man is a murderer and we can’t allow him to operate on you. We must remain true to our principles.”

You know – and I know – that in 99% of the cases, Jim would allow the pro-abortion doctor to operate on his daughter. And he’d be expressing his love for the doctor before and after the procedure. So, in this instance, Jim is willing to “suspend” the “one strike and you’re out” approach.

On all other issues, however, when his self-interest and that of his family is not at stake, he vehemently clings to the one strike philosophy.

This “one strike” philosophy is at odds with almost all religions. How can we denounce someone for his or her belief on an issue and yet remain consistent with “loving your neighbor as yourself,” “loving your enemies” and not judging others?

How could those who denounced President Obama – and who said he shouldn’t even have the right to speak – say that they were treating him with love?

I fully support the rights of everyone to peacefully and vigorously advance whatever position they want. If you feel a passion to speak out against abortion, by all means do so. But that can be done without judgment and hatred. How can judgment and hatred lead to spiritual growth and a closer connection with God?

I’m not a Bible scholar, but if I recall correctly, Jesus did not join in when the townspeople denounced the prostitute and wanted to stone her. Instead Jesus said, “let He who is without sin cast the first stone.”

This one strike and you’re out theory isn’t limited to highly emotional religious issues like abortion. We see it in many situations, especially politics.

If Jane calls herself liberal then she may close her mind and heart to those who refer to themselves as conservatives. The moment you say you’re conservative, Jane doesn’t need to listen to anything you say about anything. You may think I’m exaggerating here, and I am, but let’s not kid ourselves as to how our labels often lead us to the one strike and you’re out approach.

In the course of my writing over the last 20 years, I’ve had numerous experiences where someone will send me a letter or email along these lines:

“I’ve been reading your articles for many years and have agreed with the views you have expressed. However, when I read your article published yesterday in which you said ________, I completely disagree with you and have lost respect for you. You’ve lost all credibility with me.”

One strike and I was out.

Even if I said 2,000 wonderful things (in this person’s view) over a period of 10 years, once I touched a core belief of theirs, I had to be dismissed. I had nothing more of value to say on any subject.

We simply can’t grow spiritually when we close our minds and hearts based on a belief that others hold. We can’t grow spiritually when we won’t see another person, in all their humanity, in THAT moment, without applying labels like liberal or conservative — or even criminal vs. law-abiding citizen.

This doesn’t mean we choose mass murderers to be graduation speakers or invite child molesters to babysit our children. We are not closing our eyes to the conduct of others. Yet we don’t need to reject these people or refuse to listen to them on any issue. That is not love. Love will take “protective” action when needed. But it will not protect more than is needed. It does not cast a wide net unnecessarily. Spirit does not support the one strike and you’re out approach.

I’ve practiced the one strike and you’re out strategy many times. Yet my spirit has shown me that it’s not the way to go. Keep doing it if you wish, but know that you are moving farther and farther away from your spirit – and farther away from the peace and love you want to experience.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

This is the final installment of reader comments on this topic. If you did not read the initial message, published on May 15, 2009, go to www.YourSpiritualJourney.net  .

Reader Comments:

“I’ve read your article and wanted to drop a comment.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that
anyone who believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal
life.” (John 3:16)

You mentioned that john would go to heaven and bill would go to hell according to that verse but you need to understand that there is a unity which binds the whole together. It means that you can’t come up with one verse and ignore the other (there’s a lot of verses about sins and its reward which is eternal death)

And speaking about the other verse you mentioned — it was only because the Corinthians women were new in faith and they had a big problem there, which is adultery, (the temple girls)
where the women would stay at the greek temple waiting for a man…. so saint paul gave them a few rules to behave in church because they are new to the Christian faith.

I’m not saying that I don’t have questions — i do — but i pray about them and God answers and i encourage you to do the same because our God is a living God who cares abut us.

So what is your question? Tell Jesus about it, and understand that when you accept Jesus to your heart it’s only the beginning of the way. You have a salvation to complete, a lot of things he’ll speak to you that you’ll need to change, make and remove from your life, and this is not easy. You need the grace from God.

I hope that my reply helps a bit (i wanted to answer more in depth but it’s hard for me because I’m Arab and don’t speak english very well so its hard for me to reply correctly)”

* * * *

“What a great topic. I love the simplicity I feel with this one. I went to The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s witnesses when I was a kid with my Mom. I knocked on doors and shared the word of God with strangers. I held my seat in the early days of elementary school in pride to my allegiance only to God. I wanted to learn to read so I could read my bible. I saved all my change for my first bible because I wanted to buy my own. I was five and six through all of this I guess. Although I knocked on doors up until I was about ten.

My Dad got custody of my younger brother and me when I was eight. I went to a Methodist Church when I was between the ages of eight and ten with step grandparents. I asked a ton of questions and never really received any good answers there. Around the time I was eleven my Mom was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

In the end I found the truth in me. I think man can’t help but over complicate the truth of God because we are man. The Bible was written by men inspired by God? I don’t know and I avoid the Bible and churches of all kinds now. I respect their place in this world and the service they provide to those who need their guidance.

I however refuse to live in fear of God because I am too busy being in love with him.

The most astounding growth must root itself in that crystal clear truth of no emotion, just facts. The emotion can flow beside of it or underneath of it, however truth must stand alone of emotion to be real. I believe truth is like a river that flows through the soul. We have to silence our lives to hear it. The roads of life roar with the traffic of doing. The people clamor to fill the air with the happenings of mind. Truth whispers with Gods song, strong and quiet in the essence of us. We must breathe even and deep. We must reach for the calm. Still the sound of life’s distraction, to feel that beautiful simple truth and speak it aloud, the freedom that comes with such bravery is amazing and true.

I don’t believe God created petty laws or stupid ones. We are all from him and I believe we will all return to him. Even lost souls need a home to be repaired. Where else could that be if not with him. He did not create us flawed as much as we have worked at twisting each other into would be monsters when all any of us really are, are lost children looking for a way to no longer be lost.”

* * * *

Thanks to all who submitted comments and participated in this discussion.

– Jeff Keller

Here are some of the reader comments I received in response to the message, “When the Bible Conflicts with the Heart,” published on May 15, 2009. To read the initial message, go to www.YourSpiritualJourney.net .

Reader Comments:

“You have unleashed a hornets nest with this one. My feeling is that you will be swamped with replies, so, I will be brief.

Responding as a bible believing Christian, without any judgment towards you, or any one else…
Both Bill or John in your example here, would NOT have a place in heaven. It requires a change of the heart, and the first dude in your example, John, would NOT have been doing all those wrong things, if he had Jesus in his heart.

And the other dude, Bill….hey…obviously a nice guy, living his life clean, and helping
out others….but, when it comes to Salvation, it is NOT by works, but by a heart
experience!”

* * * *

“I am a catholic and grew up in India where we have so many religions - I truly believe that faith in the one true God, regardless of how we refer to him or worship him will take us to eternity.
Yes I do have conflicts with what the Bible teaches and what my heart tells me and I’m still wrestling with it.”
* * * *

“It isn’t as clear cut as it appears.

A good book by Scott McKnight- The Blue Parakeet: rethinking how we read the Bible sheds some light on passages like these.

Reconciling the heart with the passages is preceded by how you view the Bible. Is it the inerrant word of God or not?

There is so much more to the conversation. “

* * * *

“You bring up very interesting points. It is by the grace of God we are saved, not by works. Works is a result of inviting Jesus into your heart as your personal savior. God’s Word is truth, and has never changed. His standard has never changed, and I live my life following His Word.”

* * * *

“Here is what I have come to believe after several years of in-depth study and reflection. John is in trouble, but he may have one last chance to repent before the Lord. He is already in hell and has a tormented soul, in my opinion. Bill is a nice person and does “good works.” Jeremiah said the heart is desperately wicked and “who can know it?” Can Jeff Keller really know Bill’s heart based on observation? Jeremiah also says that outside of Christ “…works are as filthy rags to the Lord.”

We SEE the good things that Bill does, but we don’t KNOW his heart. We need to list all his “sins” as well for a full-disclosure discussion on this subject. A definition of “sin” would also be helpful. I don’t think I have enough time left here to list all my own sins. Bill probably doesn’t go to church, but may watch “The Gospel Hour” on television. He probably doesn’t read the Bible or pray for grace and mercy. He believes that by being a good person and doing some good things he will get a free ticket to heaven. He has, perhaps, learned this way of doing/being from parents or others whom he has observed since childhood.

The “power of darkness,” dare I say the devil, has won more “hearts” by getting people to believe that, if they do more good works than bad, they will be okay.” The devil’s greatest triumph has been to convince people that he doesn’t exist.

Because of the human condition, accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior gives great psychological relief for the mind and renews the spirit. I am living proof of that statement. As you do, I respect all people and their various religions and beliefs, but I have changed my mind on the truth. I believe that there is ONLY ONE WAY to heaven and we either accept it or reject it. I have opened my mind to that faith and belief. Some would say I have a closed mind, which I did have for half a century, but now I am open to and receive grace, peace, and mercy.

Christians don’t have all the answers and fall short of perfection constantly. Because of this, we were sent a mediator, advocate, doctor, spiritual healer or whatever Christ can be called. He pleads our case before God 24/7, even when we are disconnected from Him for whatever reason. The “New Way” is pure genius! Who could have ever thought of this way to salvation, but God. It is so simple, but so difficult for people to embrace. I continue to be amazed.”

* * * *

“Oh boy….this is a subject that I have argued since the third grade. I was born and raised a Catholic, attended Catholic school from 1st grade through high school, but have never considered myself a Christian. I have always questioned the logic of the Bible, and the poor nuns probably dreaded each time I raised my hand to ask a question.

For instance, how could an intelligent being who knows all insist that we kill an innocent animal (one of his creations) to prove our love to him….he knows if we love him or don’t. How could that same being sacrifice his only Son to save the human race? The there’s Noah’s Ark. There are many inconsistencies in the Bible if you truly challenge it. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the Bible was written by man, an imperfect being, and it is a story to tell of an era which took place in history. I believe that a man named Jesus existed; I do not believe that he is the Savior. I believe that many of those incidences in the Bible may have taken place, but I don’t believe that God had anything to do with a lot of it. The Bible is a story, again written by man, and is not meant to be taken literally, though many people live their life quoting the Bible, yet are hypocrites and do the things the Bible quotes not to do. I think the Bible helps a lot of people to get through difficulties and, for this purpose, serves as a good tool for those.

Needless to say after many years of seeing the corruption and the fear within this religion, I left the Catholic Church right before my marriage for one of the many hypocrisies that exist within that religion (look at what is going on within the Catholic Church now). A lot of religions are fear-based, which is why I consider myself to be spiritual and not religious.

I believe in a beautiful, intelligent God who has created such a beautiful Universe, who does not sit and wait to punish or judge us, but is there to guide us. I thank Him/Her every day for all the blessings in my life, and do not blame Him/Her for the bad that happens because that is done by human will, not by a God who people seem to believe has nothing better to do than to sit on His throne and decide who will have a good or bad day today, who will live or die, who will perish or bear fruit, etc. If I were God, I would be insulted by this description of myself.”

* * * *

“I think there is no doubt that Jesus was a very intelligent man and walked this earth as a “human” being to teach us how “to be human”. I think we often fail to understand his very important messages delivered to us through the words in the bible, which for the most part are recollections of events seen through the eyes of other human beings during a very different time. Unfortunately, I also believe that His messages get diluted or confused by the influence of the human ego, which is quick to defend its self. All too often, we blindly accept what others say or what is put in front of us in print form as reflecting His thoughts. I constantly challenge myself to penetrate these filters to really understand what was in Jesus’ heart. I recommend reading “Writing in the Sand” by Thomas Moore, who presents a fresh perspective on Jesus & the essence of the four Gospels in the bible.”

* * * *

“Lately I’ve noticed that videos open with a statement about the opinions and views expressed are not necessarily those of the people bringing you the entertainment.

I feel that way about the bible. It has some really good and thought provoking information, but may not necessarily reflect the views of our Maker. After all, the bible was not dictated by God, it is man’s interpretation.”

* * * *

“I have read the bible, there was a challenging time in my life and I was drawn to read God’s word. It was life changing. I was so blessed by his teachings. But there were some scriptures that did not speak to my heart. I have always felt that God speaks to us individually, and if we become quiet we can hear him clearly. The kind man is the one who knows Jesus the best.

May all the kind hearts be blessed, without them the world would lose its sweetness.”

* * * *

“There are many parts of the bible I wonder about. I know it was written about times I know nothing of. I have wondered about some of the things in the Bible you have written about but I don’t concentrate on these things I do not understand. I don’t think I will ever understand all of what is written.

But, I do believe in what I do understand and in those parts which make our lives better and give us peace. These are the things we rely on to make our lives be what Jesus, the greatest teacher ever, wants us to be. There is so much in the Bible that gives us hope and faith that there is a life after death with Jesus Christ. Maybe I am naive about what some of the passages mean. Maybe I really don’t want to know what they really mean. Maybe I only want to find the peace and love of Jesus Christ in what I read.”

* * * *

“Matthew 7: 21-23
Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord; will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, I never knew you, away from me, you evildoers.
John 3:3
No one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again (Repentance or change heart desires)

Based on the above information both Bill and john definitely will go to hell. Bill cannot prove that he is more righteous than God and john disobeyed to the God’s commandment. Bill can go to God only through the Holy Priest Jesus Christ who paid ransom for the sins of Bill and all people irrespective of religion. According to the book of John1, Lord Jesus Christ is the body formation of the Holy Bible. For God So loved the World and prepared for us the way of Salvation through Lord Jesus Christ death and resurrection

It is not possible to understand the Holy Bible on our own knowledge. We should humble our self before God and ask for heavenly wisdom to understand the Holy Scriptures.
Please read john 3, the conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus. humble yourself and ask God to reveal the truth. Once you humble yourself before God then the spirit of God will come upon you and fill you with wisdom of heaven and leads you to eternal truth.”

* * * *

“I am a Methodist. Martin Luther had the right idea–forget all the bureaucracy of religion and be spiritual in the name of Jesus. Let Him and the HOLY SPIRT into your heart and forget about all the MONEY GRABBERS in His name.

Recognize that the only way into heaven is through Him and his ways and you are home free. We can deal directly with Him and forget all the falderal about going through a priest or whatever. Jesus is our savior and that is it. Pray for guidance and recognize that His will be done, not our own. Give it up!! Turn it over, don’t take it back–my problem most of the time–and enjoy your time here doing His will for yourself——VERY SIMPLE.

Remember, we of the Christian faith once were all Jews–they believe in Jesus as a prophet, not THE SAVIOR—YET—They will come around. And other faiths just haven’t got it yet—they will.

With a true belief in Jesus as our savior and recognizing the only way THERE is through him, there is no HELL or damnation—just love and togetherness—we are all together taking a joy ride on this blue planet for the joy of it and when we all realize that we will all go HOME together.
There are only degrees of distance from God and damnation does not exist, the Word for Hell is only in the Story that babies are thrown in a pit of fire and over the years we have “come to believe” that that is Hell. There is no Hell.”

* * * *

“I agree with you that there are verses which conflict with my heart. However, when I was reading your article this verse came to mind…

Jeremiah 17:9 (New International Version)
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

So, while I still agree with you… how do we determine when the heart can be trusted? I believe that if we remain close to God through a strong/active prayer life we will be guided to the right decisions. Too many times though, I have allowed my emotions to interfere in making my decisions and they have resulted in WRONG… wrong attitudes, wrong desires and ultimately wrong decisions.

Thank you again for making us THINK!”

* * * *

“In my opinion, when a person really accepts Jesus in his life, he will not live the type of life you described John leading. While none of us is perfect, a real follower of Jesus would have behavior that would reflect the love of Christ. John may call himself a Christian, but he has not committed his life to Christ. That is one problem with Christianity. Anyone can claim to be a Christian. However, the life a person lives reflects whether or not a person is a true Christian.

Only God knows who will go to heaven. I do believe that the bible cannot be taken literally. There are lots of discrepancies in the bible. It is a book of truth, but not a book of facts.”

* * * *

From Jeff:

Whether or not your comments appeared in this issue, I want to thank everyone who submitted their views on this topic.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

The Bible contains profound insights. Virtually everyone interested in spirituality is touched by the teachings of Jesus Christ – even those who are not Christian. So much of Jesus’s teachings are felt at the heart level.

Yet some portions of the Bible do not touch my heart. They conflict with my heart. I think many people feel this, although some are hesitant to admit it.

One passage which draws a lot of controversy on this topic is this well known verse:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that anyone who believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Those who take the Bible literally will say that this verse is crystal clear. Those who accept Jesus are saved and will live in Heaven for eternity. Those who do not believe in Jesus will not enter Heaven.

What does your heart tell you about this verse? Does your heart embrace this passage…or does it feel a bit uneasy?

Let’s check it out a bit more.

One person (we’ll call John) goes to church every week and accepts Jesus. In his day-to-day life, he is dishonest in his business, has committed adultery and is often unkind to his employees and even to his family members.

Another person (we’ll call Bill) was not raised in any particular religion. He is kind and loving to everyone. He helps everyone in the neighborhood who needs assistance. He asks for nothing in return. He has a smile for all he meets. He judges nobody. He thinks the Christian faith is beautiful but has never been drawn to accept Jesus as Savior.

If we take the Bible verse literally, John goes to Heaven. Bill goes to Hell.

Does your HEART have any problem with this scenario? Try not to answer with your MIND, which can say, “It’s in the Bible, so it is true.” I’m asking your HEART. Is your heart ok with Bill going to Hell? Can your heart see that result as the action of a loving God?

My heart (presumably given to me by God) can’t see that result as love.

Let’s take a look at some other Bible verses that may conflict with your heart.

“Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says.” (1 Corinthians 14:34)

Is your heart ok with that one?

Maybe, maybe not.

“When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be punished, for the slave is his money.” (Exodus 21:20-21)

How does your heart feel about that passage?

I would invite you to read all of Exodus 21 and see if you can possibly say that all of it resonates with your heart.

This exercise isn’t about bashing the Bible. I could quote thousands of passages which DO resonate with my heart, at the deepest levels.

Yet there are some passages that don’t – and in those instances I feel compelled to trust my heart, not the literal words of the Bible. You’re free to take a different stance.

Regarding John 3:16 quoted above, some people might SAY that they accept Jesus as Savior but how do we know if they are just saying the words as opposed to meaning it?

The Christian response is often, “Jesus knows what is in your heart.” (whether you truly believe in Him)

If Jesus looks to our heart to find truth, shouldn’t we be able to trust our own heart when it comes to Bible passages that conflict with the heart?

Do you ever notice a conflict between the Bible and what you feel in your heart? How do you handle it? I welcome your perspective on this issue and will include some of these comments in upcoming issues of the newsletter.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

I received many comments in response to the message “Wanting Others to be Spiritual” (May 8, 2009).

While I can’t include all of the emails I got, here are excerpts from some of them.

Reader Comments:

“Being a hindu I follow hindu practices and go to any religious place even if they belong to other religions. I read books of any religion. Bible is one of my favorites. If people realize this small thing perhaps there will be more peace on this globe.”

* * * *

“I accepted Jesus Christ as my Personal Saviour in August last year and will never be the same person again. At first I did not do much, ie. in terms of convincing others, but then all that fell away, I realised that many religious people or spiritual people were just that, they did not know God. This is NOT being judgmental, these are my own thoughts, I also happened to see well-known evangelists either on God TV/DVD or in person, and the message became more clear to me. There are many lost souls in the world and I was there and I thought I had good thing going with God since young adulthood, 20 odd years ago, how wrong I was. When I accepted Jesus and gave my life to Him totally, everything changed.
He leads the way, I follow. I now do things like buy and give gifts to my “unsaved” family and friends, often it is a book for them to read or even cup coasters with bible verses on it and they can see the change in my life, some are hesitant, not saying much, others ask questions and really engage biblical topics with me. Why am I doing it? Because I want them to have the opportunity to experience the awesomeness of God.

We all have free wills, if they think that I am judging them which I am not, then they are acting in the flesh and not in the Spirit. I am working towards going to be with Jesus in heaven and I want to see Jesus when He comes again and I don’t want to leave this earth without even trying to convince these loved ones of our awesome, gracious and amazing and loving Jesus is.

What did Jesus tell his disciples, in Mark chap 1, Go and make fishers of men, don’t be an ordinary fisherman catching fish. Jesus directed them to go and teach the Good news of the Gospel and in so doing win souls for Him. I am doing the same, winning souls for Jesus, it warms my heart to be involved in groups at Church, eg. Bible study and Alpha groups and I have seen people’s faith grow, I have seen them yearn for more.

Getting to know Jesus is an ongoing journey as long as I know that I have played my heart in spreading His Good news and leaving behind a hot coal and a burning desire to know Him more, then I know that I have played my role.”

* * * *

“I agree with your comments in today’s message. If we are truly spiritual it will shine through like the sun creating a gravitational pull that is indisputable. People will grapple for what you have without any pushing, they will be dragged to it through your example. I wish I was there and know of people who are like that. It is like being around light and love.”

* * * *

“Ironically, my pastor at our Catholic Church said basically the same thing a few months ago and shocked the entire church! WOW! What a dead silence there was after Msgr. said “who are we — you or me — to judge others based on their religion?”

He went on about loving and accepting and not judging others. Needless to say, after mass, there was an outpouring of whatever happened to preaching that Catholic was the one and only way to go! It proved to be a whirlwind of discussions for the next several weeks.

The conclusion was basically the same as yours…
LIVE your religion and others will be drawn to you!
Others will approach out of a feeling of acceptance…out of a sense of inquiry of why you are peaceful in life by living a “God-Like” life!”
* * * *

“I agree with the basic premise of your piece. The tricky part is when you have children. It is a difficult balancing act between wanting to expose them to the importance of spirituality (and
religion) at an early age without forcing it on them. My faith is very important to me, and I want my children to experience the comfort and joy that comes with learning and sharing about God.

When they were young, my wife and I took them to church, talked about God some at home and would mention why we had our beliefs. As they got older, we did that less often, giving them the choice to go and to develop their faith. I often would get frustrated if they didn’t want to go to church. I know going to church doesn’t necessarily equate to being spiritual, but with kids, you want them to develop healthy habits and get exposed to ideas that hopefully will help shape beliefs.

I think the most important thing to remember is that the spiritual journey is continuous and people are in different places during that journey. If I can model my beliefs and demonstrate the importance of continually learning about my faith, then hopefully my children will pick up on that.”

* * * *

“Whenever you think someone else should be “more spiritual”,
you are the one who is not spiritual. You are making
judgments and not accepting and loving others as they are.”

I couldn’t disagree more.

Text messaging as a way of communicating with the youth of today is extremely popular. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told friends that I can’t get a hold of my kids on the phone, but am amazed how quickly they answer me when I send a text.

Do I think my adult children need to be in touch spiritually? Absolutely! So every day I send a spiritual message of encouragement to my children via text message. For me it is non-invasive; but the message and power of persuasion is there. I do not display any judgment by this particular way of persuasion. There is no “must haves”. It is simply love. Just as you send your spiritual newsletter to me, I feel it is non-invasive. I feel it is love.

I don’t believe it is our duty, no matter what religious belief someone holds, to sit at the side-lines and do nothing. If St. Paul had not spread the good news and used persuasion to turn people to God, what would our world look like today? Jesus lived for only 33 years; 3 years of true ministry. Had he not persuaded, what would our world look like today? In other words, I feel the most important question is “How does one define persuasion?” And what does it mean to be “salt of the earth”. Salt adds flavor. Salt is used as a preservative.

Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:13-16 NIV

How can I “live” or persuade a loved one who lives 3 states away, if I don’t share the good news? I believe the key is how you persuade. Again, there are ways to be persuasive in a loving way, void of judgment. There are ways to be “Roaring Lambs”.

* * * *

“I’ll respond to today’s topic with a quote from Apostle Paul:{not the exact words but the meaning}” You who is Spiritual do not judge the person who is falling short of the way because you can fall for the same temptations and commit the same sins.” Why do we always want people to think and do as us? Because at those times, we are thinking with our worldly mind{Ego}instead of our right mind{Spirit}

Everyone has their own Spiritual Path to find their way which has to be respected by all. I’ll say what you said in the closing of your article but in a different way: When we change ourselves, the people or situations we want to change will then change.”

* * * *

“I like what you wrote, and I agree, and I know there are those who disagree. I remember before I “found Jesus” - or at least would admit to knowing Him - I did not want others forcing their opinions on me, whatever their intentions. The more they pushed, the harder I resisted. And I can resist, let me tell you.

I figure we have to reflect Him and His ways and wishes in the way we think and speak and act, and others will see that “light” and be drawn to it. It is the spirit of Him in us shining outward. When they can come and ask questions or want to learn because they are ready, it is because God has already made them fertile soil and has led them to whomever can help plant a seed.

Just like it was our time when we sought Him out, so it will be their time…when they are ready, not when we are ready for them to be ready.”

* * * *

“I really do not agree with your statement that “Whenever you think someone else should be “more spiritual”, you are the one who is not spiritual and not accepting and loving others as they are.”

I pass on the need to become more spiritual to persons who by their attitude and statements, appear to lack or actually admit that they do not really believe or give thought to the fact that there is someone or something that is actually working or can work for the good in their lives.
These persons are those whom I am aware are having problems at that time.

I do not tell them they must go to church or pray or anything of the sort. However I relate to them my own experience and suggest that becoming more spiritual worked for me,(or a prayer or a church or whatever) and I think maybe they could consider giving it a try also. I do not indicate that I think they lack spirituality even though I sense it. I get put off by those who argue religion, or who cry down those who have no form of religion.

However I do not resent or get mad with those who suggest other beliefs, religions etc to me . I thank them and say maybe I will try what you say someday. I have actually become more spiritual over the years by practicing or reading etc. as a result of suggestions from others. At those times when I got those suggestions I thought that I was at the pinnacle of my spirituality.
Since then I realise that each day I could grow in spirituality.”

* * * *

“Your latest message on wanting others to be more spiritual resonates deeply and is the exact same conversation I had with my husband a few years ago.

As I was doing many things to be more connected with my spirituality…I’d often come home saying…You should be…Why can’t you be more… I wish you could be more… It got to the point, my husband just burst out with so much intensity and anger: “Why don’t you just live your spirituality instead of always looking at me to…”

At that moment, it was like a jack hammer knocking me out right in the middle of my forehead… he was so right…so so right… how could I have not seen this, known this before. “BE the change you want to see in the world” from Gandhi, has been my leitmotiv for so long.

But this comment from my husband finally hit home, got the message through and woke me up. It changed everything for me…for us! We never spoke of this ever again but I remember from that day on, I started seeing him as truly spiritual and enlightened in his own way…living his spirituality otherwise, very differently than mine, but none the less spiritual.”

* * * *

I want to thank everyone who submitted an email, including those whose comments do not appear here. I learned and benefited from each one of them.

Hopefully the comments that I did publish have served you in some way.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

“I wish my son were more spiritual.”
“My daughter should go to church every week.”
“My mother really needs to attend that spiritual workshop that changed my life.”

Many times those on a spiritual path want others to be spiritual. Thus, they want others – mostly family and friends – to be interested in talking about spirituality or to engage in religious or spiritual practices.

Perhaps you think others should attend worship services or follow your religion. Maybe you think they should meditate. You might be on a crusade against organized religion and feel the need to convince others that their notion of God is wrong.

Whenever you think someone else should be “more spiritual”, you are the one who is not spiritual. You are making judgments and not accepting and loving others as they are.

That’s the way I see it and I recognize there are those who disagree. You may feel you are doing a service to others by encouraging them to be more spiritual. “More spiritual” usually means that others should believe as you do.

Yet if someone approached you and offered you another spiritual path – a different religion or spiritual approach – you would not willingly accept it. You would reject it, and perhaps resent the person trying to impose their spirituality on you.

Wanting others to be more spiritual is often the result of our own insecurity and doubts. We’re looking for safety in numbers, but it is not to be found there.

Spirituality is a one-person sport. We need only focus on ourselves. As we become love and peace itself, there is no need to convince anyone to do something they don’t want to do. Ironically, even without any effort on our part, others will willingly approach us and be open, because they sense that they are being loved and accepted as they are.

I welcome opposing views on this topic or any other comments you wish to offer.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

Note: I realize that there are many Christians who believe that only those who accept Jesus Christ as Savior can be “saved.” To those who hold that belief, it is only natural for them to want to help others to be saved. This message is not directed to Christians who hold this belief. I respect their view and can understand why they feel an obligation to persuade others, particularly their loved ones, to accept Christ.

I realize that spiritual growth is a very slippery term to define, and it means different things to everyone. In a general sense, I am referring to spiritual growth as a closer connection with God, a better understanding of our divine nature, a way of looking at ourselves and others with love and compassion, and a sense of emotional stability as opposed to fear. You might have a different view of what constitutes spiritual growth.

I’m beginning to see that people usually pay a price for spiritual growth. That has certainly been the case for me, and I’ve noticed that many others who have grown spiritually also seem to pay a price for that growth.

What is the price that has to be paid?

It might be a belief or beliefs that must be given up.
It might be a focus on worldly success or approval that must be given up.
It might be a religion that no longer resonates with your heart.
It might be assumptions you’ve made about yourself and the world.
It might be an admission that you don’t know much about anything.

Spiritual growth often demands that something be given up – or that our perspective shift radically. And that’s the last thing many of us want to do. We want our spiritual growth, and we don’t want to change very much to attain it.

I suppose we want to fit spirituality into our current lifestyle. It doesn’t work that way.

We’d rather work on our spiritual growth by accumulating more peaceful, loving feelings. Perhaps we go on a retreat where everything is calm and peaceful. But how long does that last after we come home and re-enter the real world? We’re not able to continue the loving feelings and peace that we experienced in the protective bubble of the retreat.

We may read books that confirm our current spiritual beliefs – hoping that more and more reinforcement of what we already believe will help our spiritual growth. But it’s not just a matter of repetition. These books may make us feel good about ourselves and others some of the time – but they rarely lead to considerable spiritual growth.

By reading what you already believed, do you now love your neighbor – every neighbor – as yourself? Did you put an end to judging others? Are you still fearful in many instances?

How much spiritual growth can you really claim by reading books that do not seriously challenge your current perspective?

For me, whatever spiritual openings have occurred, are the result of a willingness to make radical shifts in my beliefs and in my outlook on the world. And I don’t think my case is unusual. I think the breakthroughs arise when you are willing to pay a price – to question every belief you hold dear, if necessary.

I’m not saying that everyone has to renounce the world and quit his or her job to grow spiritually. The price doesn’t relate to changes you make in your exterior world. It relates to changes you have to make in your INTERIOR world – such as your beliefs and your attachments. That’s where the cuts of the scalpel are made so that the heart can open.

If you are happy with the spiritual growth you have achieved, this message will not be important to you.

However, if you yearn for something more, to recognize some deeper level of spirit working in your life, you may find that it will only come when you are willing to pay the price for it.

Spiritual growth often comes after frustration, pain and discomfort. If that is the price of spiritual growth, are you willing to pay that price?

This message is not meant to discourage anyone, or to put a negative slant on spiritual growth. I’ve never come across anyone who achieved considerable spiritual growth who wasn’t happy to have gone through the uncomfortable periods to gain that growth.

It is always worth the price, but few are willing to pay the price.

If you have any comments or experiences to share relating to this message, I welcome them.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

I’m guessing that some of you, upon first seeing the title of today’s message, thought “Who is this guy to give me advice? I don’t need his advice.”

Perhaps this can offer some insight into how others might feel when we offer them advice, particularly when they haven’t asked for our advice.

It’s tempting to give advice. We want to help people. Yet, as the years go by, I find myself giving less and less unsolicited advice. When I am really passionate about something and feel I have something to offer in the way of helpful information, I do so. In all other cases, I try to keep my mouth shut.

What I discovered is that I was fooling myself about the reason I was giving advice. I thought it was only to help the other person. This is not true – if you’re willing to be honest with yourself.

There is ego involvement in giving advice. We want to demonstrate our information to others. We want others to appreciate us for the help we are giving. We are not offering advice simply to help. That is clear to me now.

For example, say you give advice to someone and they don’t follow your advice. You recommend a carpenter to your neighbor. You tell the neighbor what great work the carpenter did for you. You spend ten minutes explaining why this carpenter is the best person they could ever find for their carpentry work.

Your neighbor listens to what you say and then hires someone else. How do you feel now? You’re hurt and disappointed that the neighbor didn’t follow your advice.

Even if the neighbor hired the carpenter you recommended and was thoroughly pleased with the work, how would you feel if the neighbor never thanked you for the information?

Most likely, you’d be very upset. You were not giving the information solely to help your neighbor. If that were your real – and only – motive, you’d be delighted whether or not the neighbor thanked you.

But your ego wants more than to have your neighbor’s carpentry work done properly. Your ego wants to be thanked and recognized for providing the information.
When we offer unsolicited advice, what we’re usually saying is “This is what I think is best.” This may or may not be the best option for the other person. Our decisions are based on our own preferences, our own values, our own background and conditioning.

These days my spirit feels better allowing other people to live their lives without me offering advice. I simply can’t know what is right for someone else, or what they might need to go through at the time.

Yet the urge to give advice continues to arise from time to time and sometimes my mouth opens even when the willpower tells me to keep the mouth closed. That’s ok.

I invite you to bring some awareness to this issue of giving advice. When do you give advice? How often? To whom? Why do you give advice?

You might discover some interesting things, just as I have.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009