The Need for Approval (Part 2)
In this message, I’ll discuss some aspects of spirituality and religion – and how they relate to our need for approval. If you missed the first message in this series, published on June 26, 2009, you can read it at www.YourSpiritualJourney.net .
I think it’s fair to say that the vast majority of people “inherit” their religion. Thus, their religion or spiritual beliefs come from their parents. If your parents are Catholic, you will be raised in the Catholic faith. If your parents are Jewish, you will be raised in the Jewish faith. If your parents are Muslim, you will be raised in the Muslim faith.
You will also be exposed to the traditions and practices of your religion. As a result, you will pray in a certain manner and follow certain rituals and holidays. You will also notice that many others in your extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) also follow these rituals and holidays.
There is nothing wrong with being raised in a particular faith and following traditions and rituals. It can be a beautiful expression of our spiritual nature and allow us to connect with God in a very personal way. It can also enrich our relationships with family and relatives.
However, for that spiritual connection to have meaning and depth, we need to personally experience it. It isn’t enough to inherit it or find it through the experiences others have had.
The need for approval often hinders us from having that personal experience. We are hesitant to explore – or let others know that we are exploring our spiritual nature, because we are afraid that they won’t approve, or worse yet, that they might reject us when we stray from our traditions or ask too many questions.
We don’t want to disappoint our parents or those who raised us. We don’t want to disappoint our spiritual or religious leaders. We don’t want to disappoint those at our house of worship. We recognize, in each of these instances, that if we voice doubts or ask for clarifications of certain issues or traditions, we risk disapproval. Often, because we want the approval of others, we stay in line and don’t express our true feelings.
When we repress our true thoughts and feelings to gain approval, we lose our connection with spirit. As I see it, spirit demands honesty.
When I allow fear or the wishes of other humans to guide me, I feel farther and farther from God. When I live from genuineness and authenticity – and allow whatever doubts or questions to arise – I find that God willingly listens and guides me. God is not judging me or discouraging me from expressing what is in my heart.
In my experience, God is open…wide open.
Throughout my life, I’ve known many people who considered marrying someone outside their faith but didn’t do so (or hesitated to do so) solely because of the strong disapproval they got from their parents, who insisted that they marry someone of their own faith.
If, God forbid, their parents had died suddenly, these same people would have gone ahead and married the person of the other faith. Does this make any sense? Does God really ask us to make crucial life decisions based on what our parents or other people feel is right?
Ironically, our parents and those in our community continually told us to take responsibility for our lives and our decisions. We were encouraged to follow our heart. Of course, when we question our religious beliefs and practices, well that’s another matter. Now we are told to be a follower and not to trust our heart.
You might argue that there is nothing wrong with respecting our parents’ wishes and that marrying within your faith or following certain religious rituals (even if we don’t believe in them) is an act of love for our parents. After all, they want the best for us.
In the end, there is no “middle man” or advisor that needs to stand between ourselves and God. I have learned to trust my own heart and take whatever concerns I have directly to God. Whatever I receive is the only advice I trust.
Spiritual texts and other people can offer us valuable insights and invitations to a relationship with God. But these resources can take us only so far. We must then follow our own path. Some will approve of what we are doing. Others will not.
Fear and threats do not promote spirituality; they kill spirituality.
When we live our lives based on what others think, we are living from fear. In my experience, this does not lead to a close relationship with God, which can only be based on openness, honesty and love. We must come to God as we are, not as others want us to be.
– Jeff Keller
© 2009