The Need for Approval (Part 5 - Reader Comments)
At the end of Part 4 of this series, I asked readers to comment on the following:
“I’d be interested in hearing your insights and experiences on this subject. How do you balance this tension between following your heart and being authentic at work – as opposed to following procedures or policies you don’t agree with… or keeping quiet about behavior that conflicts with your values?”
If you want to read the entire message (The Need for Approval – Part 4), go to www.YourSpiritualJourney.net .
Here are some of the responses I received.
Reader Comments:
“I think what some think of as a cop-out might just be common courtesy to most. It has nothing to do with spirituality. I find it more than just a little disturbing when people say that they can’t change who they are. Nonsense! You and only you can control your actions and reactions.”
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“Having been in the work community for many years, I have learned what works, and what doesn’t work. Most employers/boss consider a “suggestion” on your part as a criticism of the job your employer/boss is doing. In the real business world, there is no such thing as constructive criticism…your boss/employer interprets this as destructive criticism.
The boss is always right and you better believe it. Again, if you have an idea that will save the company money, or improve the company, the boss does not really want to hear your “opinion.” That is just human nature….people only want to hear what they want to hear….not what you want to say….your boss/employer is perfect, and if you disagree, it might be best for you to look for another job.
So you learn, over time, and several jobs latter, to keep your mouth shut. This is true for about 90% of employers….in other words, don’t rock the boat. This is the real world which, of course, is not right, but is what is “real” for better or for worse. 10% of employers have just the opposite view of the above, whereby they become a leader in their field. The person who finds, and works, for this 10% group, is indeed extremely fortunate.”
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“What I find a wise comment on your part is your insight to distinguish between approval seeking (i.e. people pleasing in general) which I think harms one’s self esteem and erodes one’s identity, and the point you made in this part 4 installment that it is fine to accommodate one’s behavior to fit in with a corporate culture. This may be necessary, as you point out in the business environment. I totally agree.
The problem occurs when the demands of the “bosses” become a hardship upon one’s own well-being. In law firms in which I have worked, when I worked for three partners, they “demanded or expected” that I would do the work of three people - and stay till midnight every night or even longer.
This was a set up for poor health and burn out on my part.
While I tried to meet these demands, I looked inward and decided that the firm was short staffed and was trying to impose an impossible workload upon one person - me! At that time, I informed them that I viewed these expectations as unrealistic and an attempt to save labor costs at my physical health and well being, and I could not possibly endure such an arrangement. Ultimately, I resigned for my health and well being.
The point I wish to make is that everyone needs to be hypervigilant in the work environment so as not to full into the trap of “fitting in” if it begins to become a physical and emotional hardship, with burdensome hours and expectations on the part of management.
When this occurs, it becomes our individual responsibility to speak up, to change the situation if possible, and if the individuals (i.e. bosses) are inflexible, it is time to head to the door and look elsewhere.
Otherwise, we are sacrificing our own health and well being. This is a dangerous and poor choice. If it comes to this point, we are no longer “trying to fit in;” rather we are becoming victims and it is time to remove ourselves from a dysfunctional corporate culture.”
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“What I find most interesting about this week’s topic is the realization of how our spirituality is so intertwined with our jobs, whether or not we want to accept it. I agree there is a tension between following our hearts and being authentic at work. But I also believe we are all divinely empowered to create, our tools simply being our choices.
I feel this tension stems from the battle of the ego’s drive for control and/or power, while the Self seeks to share love, expand happiness and help heal others. Layer this reality over a typical organization’s goal for profit or margin and you have a perfect formula for tension.
The challenge we all face is to work for an organization which operates with values that align with our desire to be authentic. It is equally important that these values are actually practiced — not merely reflected in a mission or vision statement that hangs on a wall. Unfortunately, organizations are not entities unto themselves, but a mere collection of human beings seeking to find a balance between their egos & Self, while trying to collectively reach goals of gain. So herein lies our true opportunity to take charge of our lives, both personal & professional, and share with the world what we feel is of most importance in the completeness of ‘being human’.”
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I want to thank everyone who took the time to contribute comments on this topic.
– Jeff Keller