Let’s Be Honest About Our Judgments
Just about everyone can identify with this experience. You learn about someone who has done something you find unethical or immoral and you say: “I’m not judging this person, but….” – and you then proceed to judge the person.
I used to do this all the time. It doesn’t happen much any more.
Don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I have not given up judgment. What I am giving up is the need to say that I am not judging. I AM judging, so why not just be truthful about it?
On the spiritual path, judgment is seen as a “no-no.” It’s not spiritual to judge. Religions tell us not to judge.
Consequently, we give the mind a goal – to eradicate our tendency to judge. We will focus on “not judging” until we can acquire this habit.
How successful have YOU been in giving up judgment?
If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you are judging people all the time. The judgment is there before your mind can prevent it. We make judgments all the time, saying things such as:
This person is cruel.
This person is selfish.
This person is a bad mother.
This person is a bad father.
This person has bad manners.
Judgments arise in our minds constantly. One after another.
Judging is programmed into us. The mind has been conditioned to judge. This conditioning began when you were a little child and it has been ingrained. Your parents judged. Your teachers judged. Your neighbors judged. Your friends judged. The media has bombarded you with millions of judgments and comparisons.
As a result, you can’t see someone hitting a child and NOT judge them. You can’t see someone denying food to the hungry and NOT judge them.
You can read Scripture or spiritual texts 24 hours a day about not judging, and you will see a child molester being arrested on TV, and your tendency will be to judge that person. You will see a story about a suicide bomber and you will judge that person.
Judgment arises before you can stop it. And yet we often begin our judgments by saying, “I’m not judging, but….”
These are hollow, “spiritually correct” words, but nothing more.
You ARE judging. Why not be honest about it? What is so terrible about admitting that we are judging others?
I don’t know how to eradicate judgment, but I have discovered that the way to lessen the amount of judgment that arises is to simply allow it to be there. Don’t resist it or say that it isn’t there, or shouldn’t be there.
Judgment IS there and if you just observe it impartially, you will find that it dissipates quickly and doesn’t arise as often in the future. Shine the light of Awareness on your judgments. View reality as it IS, not as you wish it were.
What you might also find is that you will not vocalize your judgments as often. Once the phrase “I’m not judging, but…” has been removed from your vocabulary, you won’t feel as comfortable expressing your judgments. And in those instances when you do speak, you will be very honest in admitting your comments are judgmental. This is not something to be ashamed of. You don’t need to be ashamed of the truth.
If you believe you will “defeat” judgment through study, persistent effort or willpower, I think you are engaging in a fruitless activity. Going to war against judgment simply doesn’t work.
Choose a different approach. Be honest with yourself about your judgments. These judgments are asking you to look at them, without judgment.
– Jeff Keller
© 2009