You’re at a party or a wedding where music is playing and people are dancing. Perhaps you feel the desire to get up and dance.

Of course, you also notice that some people at the party are not dancing. They may be watching the others dancing, but they seem to have no desire to get up and dance themselves.

The band leader or disc jockey then raises his or her voice and attempts to persuade those who are sitting to get up and dance. Most of those sitting still have no interest in getting up to dance. Often the band leader or disc jockey keeps trying to get those people off their behinds and on the dance floor.

At the same time, some of those who are getting up to dance also look over at friends or relatives who are sitting and try to persuade them to join the dancers. Occasionally, those who were sitting and didn’t want to dance – will get up and dance. Many will remain seated.

Here’s my question: why do many people at the party try to convince those who are sitting that they SHOULD get up and dance?

From the standpoint of the band members or the person playing the music, I suppose they are trying to create as much movement and energy as possible. This can heighten the excitement felt by those at the party.

But aren’t we forgetting about the wishes of those who don’t want to dance. Why is it acceptable to ignore their wishes?

Those who like to dance will just say that they want their friends or relatives to join in on the fun. Yet they may be missing the point – that those who are being coaxed to get up and dance are not going to have fun by dancing.

The dancers are assuming that their idea of fun “should” be the same for all.

Let’s look at this from another angle. What if one of the people who wasn’t dancing asked one of the dancers, “Would you like to go to the opera tomorrow night?” or “Would you like to visit a museum tomorrow?” There’s a reasonable chance that the dancer would have no interest in going to the opera or visiting the museum. And if the dancer showed no interest at all, or answered, “No,” would it make sense for the “non-dancer” to keep saying to the dancer that he or she SHOULD want to attend the opera or go to the museum?

You’d probably say that the non-dancer should just leave the other person alone. What is the difference when trying to persuade someone to dance?

Some people like to dance. Some people like to go to the opera. Some people like to visit museums.

This is certainly not a “life or death” issue and you can come up with arguments on both sides. What I’m learning as I travel on this path is that it’s ok to just let people do what they want. There is no need to pressure them to conform to any behavior, even if it is the behavior of the majority.

We always tell young people not to succumb to peer pressure. We say, “Don’t do what your friends are doing if it doesn’t feel right to you.”

And then, as adults, we exert peer pressure on other adults, trying to get them to behave as we like to behave, instead of allowing them to live as they choose.

I make a distinction here between coaxing our children to try a new activity as opposed to persuading another adult. It makes sense to encourage a 12-year old at his or her first dance to get up and dance. The 12-year old is afraid to dance and hasn’t engaged in the activity. If persuaded, the child may enjoy dancing.

However, the situation is different with a 40- year old. That person has in most cases danced before, but simply chooses not to dance now. There comes a point where we no longer need to pressure an adult to act in a way that he or she doesn’t wish to act.

Naturally, this isn’t only about dancing. It’s about any area where we try to run another’s life or tell them what to do. When someone doesn’t want to participate in an activity, maybe the best thing to do is accept their decision.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

Youth is exalted in today’s media. Magazines show us young, attractive models. Newspaper ads tout plastic surgery. TV infomercials show us how to sculpt the perfect body. As a result, many people go on a frantic search for the “fountain of youth.” They want to turn back the clock and fight the aging process. When is the last time you saw aging portrayed in a positive light?

Ironically, teenagers and those in their 20s sometimes wish they were older. When you’re young, you’re often plagued by insecurity and wondering how you’ll fit into the world. While most people tend to concentrate on the downside of getting older, let’s focus for a moment on the upside. Below are some of the benefits of getting older.

1. You don’t care what other people think. As a teenager, you’re deeply concerned about what your friends think of you. You want to fit into the group. In your 20s, you still tend to be very concerned about how others perceive you. As the years pass, you care less and less about the opinions of others. It’s quite a refreshing change. You realize that the most important person to please is yourself – and when you accomplish that, you’re also in a better position to serve others.

2. You realize that you can remain healthy by following disciplined, moderate routines. You learn that moderate habits can produce excellent results over the long term. Thirty minutes of daily exercise such as walking or lifting moderate weights can keep you in very good shape. To remain fit, you don’t have to run 5 miles a day or follow fad diets that are extreme.

3. You appreciate your family more. Some people are fortunate to have a deep appreciation for their family in their teens, 20s and 30s. That’s not the case with many of us, however. After 30, and especially in your 40s, 50s and beyond, you come to appreciate your immediate and extended family. You enjoy getting together to reminisce about the “old days” as well as to catch up on what everyone is doing.

4. You don’t get caught up in the petty stuff. Remember when you thought that every potential client or every project at work had “life or death” consequences. You put yourself through enormous stress for no reason. As you get older, you still take your work seriously but you’ve gained perspective. The small stuff doesn’t throw you anymore. It’s a lot easier to live and work with that pressure off your back.

5. You realize that numerical age is not crucial. Granted, you may not heal as quickly or see as sharply as you did in your 20s or 30s. However, whether you’re 40, 50 or 70, it’s only a number. What matters is how you feel, mentally and physically. Many people feel healthier and stronger at 50 than they did at 25. If you have a lousy attitude and hate your work at age 30, you’ll feel older than a 70 year-old who has a great attitude and enjoys life.

6. You start to hit your stride in your career. In your 40s and beyond, you develop a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes. You’ve gained experience in your field (often by making mistakes) and know where your talents are best suited.

7. You no longer seek perfection. This relates both to your appearance and the way you perform your work or activities. The ads on TV urge you to get rock hard abs and to eliminate any trace of body fat. You no longer buy into this nonsense. You want to look and feel good but there’s no need to kill yourself trying to attain the perfect body. You also settle for excellence in your work, knowing that trying to make everything “perfect” is an unreasonable goal that causes stress. Sure, there are some exceptions to this rule — for instance, we want those performing laser surgery on us to be perfect in their aim!

8. It takes a lot more to get you angry. When you’re young and insecure, you take offense at even a minor slight. You’re defensive when criticized. As the years go by, you realize the futility of holding onto to anger. It does nothing but eat you up. When someone does get under your skin, you let it go quickly.

9. You let other people be who they are – and you appreciate their differences. You’re beginning to recognize and appreciate the incredible diversity in this world. You learn to tolerate the idiosyncrasies of other people; you even enjoy them. Life is a lot richer because not everyone thinks like you or acts like you. You learn from others and celebrate their unique talents and perspectives.

10. You’re a lot wiser…hopefully! As you years go by, you have a lot more experience and you’ve figured out how to deal with situations that arise in your life. It’s like any game that you’ve played for 20 or 30 years. You learn more as you go along.

Sure, you can find some things about getting older that you don’t like. But there’s plenty to enjoy as you journey through your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. Stop trying to turn back the clock; instead, appreciate the advantages of getting older!

– © Jeff Keller

“My.” Such a little word, but a word with huge implications.

My child.

My team.

My country.

Simply put, we favor those people, those things and even those concepts that are close to us. Therefore, we love our child more than the neighbor’s child or the child living thousands of miles away.

In sporting events, I want MY team to win, and I am happy if the members of the other team play poorly.

And of course, we are proud of our own country, and feel a closer allegiance to our country as opposed to the other countries of the world.

You might think, “how can it possibly be any other way?” It’s human nature, and perhaps a built-in instinct, to favor “MY” over any other.

From a spiritual perspective, the preference for “MY” isn’t so obvious. Why should you hurt less, or feel less compassion, if a child thousands of miles away is ill or mistreated? Why is it different if a child in another country is killed during a war, as opposed to your own child being killed?

Do any spiritual texts support this different treatment between “my” and other? Doesn’t the Bible command us to love our neighbor as ourselves? If we love our neighbor as ourselves, then we can’t show any preference for my child, my team or my country.

The problem with that little word “my” is what flows from it. Once I declare “my” to be preferential, I am declaring all else to be less important, or less worthy of my attention.

Furthermore, the ego welcomes the opportunity to engage in comparisons and prove that “my” is superior to the other. For example, consider the sporting events at the Olympic games. Citizens of each country feel some pride or superiority when the athletes of their country defeat the athletes from the “other” country.

Why can’t we just enjoy the skill of the athletes and accept whatever result happens? Why is it better if the athlete from “my” country wins? As you know, the outcomes of these games are so important to some governments that those athletes who lose are seen as having disgraced their country.

This comparison stuff is the work of the ego; the spirit can’t possibly engage in such nonsense.

This is not a simple thing to “fix.” We have been conditioned to place so much emphasis on our own possessions, our own families, and our own country. To some, it might seem impossible to even consider thinking or acting otherwise. We have allowed our minds to dominate our lives, and the mind generally looks to divide and separate, to protect what is “mine” and to establish superiority over the “other.”

Even when we try to harness the power of the mind for charitable purposes – to help others – the results are often frustrating. We attempt to send food or aid to other countries – and the governments or military units of the other countries often block that aid from getting to the people who need it. What we’re running up against is the “MY” on the other side. The country receiving the aid has its own belief system, its own “MY” to protect.

By the way, when we donate money or food to the less fortunate, we still don’t view the others as equal to our own. Thus, if our children are starving, we continue to view it differently than children in other countries who are starving. We are more distressed when the calamity is happening to our own children.

The solution is not found by feeling equally sad for every living creature in this world who is suffering. That wouldn’t help either. We’d end up miserable and we wouldn’t be able to remedy the difficulties all over the world.

I think the only place to find the answer here is by checking in with our spirit. No strategies of the mind will resolve this issue. When each of us allows the separation of “my” and “other” to loosen, and we see God in everything, we will find some peace and begin to receive some guidance. We may be led to help others who are less fortunate – but we won’t try to cure all the world’s ills, something that only the mind would attempt… and inevitably fail at.

The most important thing would not be the specific actions we would take; instead, it would be our very nature of overflowing compassion and love — which would affect others in a profound way. The person who sees all in unity and love changes the world more quickly than those who are forming committees or urging others to action.

The most important world is our own inner world. Develop the sense of “we” and you will begin to see the interconnectedness of all beings. Slowly, the “my” will weaken and spirit can work its wonders.

You probably have a million questions and comments running through your mind now. This is not an easy subject to examine, especially when virtually all of our belief systems reinforce separation and preference. To really dive into it requires that you be willing to look at your world in radically different ways.

My oh my.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

Today’s message was contributed by one of our subscribers, Prajakta Khalatkar. She shares her experiences of the Mumbai floods and the insights she has gained.

The Choice

It was 26th July 2005. Mumbai was completely drenched in rainfall. The deadly torrent of flood was as though determined to swallow all lives.

In the heavy monstrous winds of storm, I found myself moving on a blank road. It was all full of water, running madly like an uncontrolled disaster. Heavy downpour was accompanied with havoc, the path ahead was not to be seen, no support to hold on to. People were all panicky, not finding any place to hide, to rescue their lives.

I, along with many others, who were stuck in the flood, were trying to find the way back home. For me, it used to be hardly 10 minutes to walk home from this place. But today, it seemed far away to me, as far as the North Pole. I anticipated that if I keep standing here, slowly with the rise in the water level, I would get washed away in the flood. Water was gushing towards me; I had all at stake and nothing to hold. But I decided to walk ahead, determined that I wouldn’t quit until my last breath.

As I moved ahead, the water level rose to my waist. I was walking on the divider of the road, hoping to be a little comfortable on a height. Suddenly, my foot slipped, and I was back on the base. I feared the presence of open manholes, which I had seen on the road when it wasn’t flooding. Lots of thoughts occupied my mind. The faces of all loved ones, all my unfulfilled dreams, all my pending tasks, everything.

I was seeing death in front of me, with its jaws wide open. A cold current moved through my body and I felt this is the end of my story. Tomorrow, probably my family would find my dead body floating in some river nearby. The entire trauma passed through my eyes like a horror movie. I felt I could move no more. I was tired. I could no longer push myself ahead. I could feel the force of death pushing me into the flood.

I had nothing, just a moment with me. I looked at the sky to see if I can see the presence of almighty anywhere. My glance was accompanied with my silent prayer, which was seemingly the last one in this life span. Just then, suddenly something inside me said –

“You have the choice!”

Instantly, somehow, I decided! I would survive! I would not get carried away! I am mightier than this negative force! Far superior to this!

And….Yes! I got my energy back; a ray of hope was there. I placed my foot a little ahead, unaware of what was there. To my surprise, I was moving ahead, my feet were able to find the space to step further. I could see the way ahead, to my home and then I didn’t look back until I reached home!

Those two hours of my life still play their role in the dark hours of despair. When nothing seems to go my way, at the end of all possible unfruitful efforts, something still says,

“You have the choice!”

And just then, I find that what put me on hold stands meek and weak in front of my mighty soul!

Prajakta Khalatkar lives in India. She is a software engineer as well as a talented poetess. You can read her poems at her blog: http://prajaktablossoms.blogspot.com  .

As we travel this spiritual journey, we find that teachers cross our path to help us gain some insight into our true nature as spiritual beings. Guidance may come from clergy at our house of worship. It may come from clergy we see on TV. It may come from books written by those with spiritual insights, whether the authors are clergy, lay people, or unaffiliated with any organized religion.

It isn’t important what “label” you attach to this individual. For whatever reason, you are drawn to this person’s insights. As you listen to this person, observe this person, or read his or her words in a book, you feel as if you are gaining more truth about yourself and feeling a deeper spiritual connection.

When we find someone like this, we throw ourselves wholeheartedly into the teachings or writings of this person. If they have written books, we buy them. If they are going to be speaking anywhere, we make attempts to be there to get the benefit of this person’s wisdom.

There are many positive things to be derived by immersing oneself into a particular teaching or viewpoint.

But there’s also a danger. There is a danger that we will automatically accept as truth everything, or virtually everything, this person is saying. It’s as if we transfer the responsibility for discerning truth from ourselves, and put it onto this teacher. We think to ourselves, “Well, if this person says it, then it must be the truth.”

The fact that someone reveals what appears as truth or insight in one area does not mean this person has figured out everything. These authors or teachers may sincerely believe what they are saying or writing is truth, yet it isn’t. If the author or teacher is growing spiritually, what he or she writes in five or ten years will be somewhat different – and may be radically different — than what is being conveyed today.

In other words, even for the person who appears to be spiritually advanced, the truth is a moving target. There are always infinitely deeper levels that can be explored. More importantly, the ultimate truth about our existence can never be figured out by the human mind. The mind is limited and can never know the full truth about God or whatever you call this life force. How can your mind explain something that has no beginning and no end?

I recognize that many people believe that there is only one source of truth, and that is The Bible. Undoubtedly, the Bible contains profound spiritual insights and offers guidance on how to live our lives. However, there are various interpretations of the Bible and its passages. If I were to gather 50 of the world’s greatest Bible scholars and 50 of the most respected ministers to interpret particular Bible passages or to answer questions about God and spirit, you know full well that we would not receive 100 uniform responses. There would be some disagreement among them. How would I know which is THE truth, if experts devoting their lives to the subject can’t agree on it?

There is another pitfall to be aware of when we rely on the information provided by others. We tend to read and listen to material we agree with. We often conclude that the person who states our view is delivering truth. They may describe it more eloquently than we can, but they are saying things we agree with before we read their book or listen to their presentation. What we have found is agreement, but not necessarily truth.

I often read materials that coincide with my own views. Yet some of the most profound growth I have experienced is by reading books and listening to speakers who deliver a message that challenged my beliefs. If you are truly secure in your own spiritual foundation, you will not be afraid that other viewpoints can shake that foundation. And if the foundation can be shaken, it wasn’t built on truth to begin with… and isn’t it better to know that now?

Do your own assessment of the truth, moment by moment. Drink in the spiritual insights of others whose views resonate with you. If you are led to read other things they have written, honor that. However, when anything you read or hear does not appear to make sense to you at the heart level, or if you have doubts about it, don’t dismiss those doubts. Don’t simply defer to the teacher or author.

Remain open and do your own investigation. You’ll often find that what you read or heard contained some truth, perhaps a lot of truth, but not the whole truth. The only thing that matters is YOUR truth, and while others may assist you on your journey, only you can find your way home.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

Most of us like to use our minds to figure out things, so let’s use the mind to explore the concept of Awareness.

Our mind tells us that we can’t be the same thing as the object we are aware of. Thus, as you look at your computer, you are aware of the computer.

It is thus safe to say that if you are aware of your computer, you can’t be your computer.

Similarly, if you are aware of your desk right now, you can’t be your desk.

If you see a car on the street and are aware of it, then you can’t be that car.

Are you with me so far?

Ok, now let’s consider your body. Right now, are you aware of your body? Of course, the answer is “Yes;” you’re aware of your body. Even if you didn’t have physical sight, you would be aware of your body.

Well, if you are aware of your body, then you can’t be your body.

Are you aware of your thoughts? Yes.

If you are aware of your thoughts, you can’t be your thoughts.

Are you aware of your emotions, such as happiness or sadness? Yes.

If you are aware of your emotions, you can’t be your emotions.

What then are YOU?

Think about this again. Can you be the thing you are aware of?

I realize this sounds a bit tricky. Yet it certainly seems that there is an Awareness, a non-physical presence, that is aware of your body, as well as your thoughts and emotions.

Some of you might be a step ahead and think that this Awareness or Consciousness is located inside the skull, and is a function of the brain. This has been analyzed by scientists and those who have devoted much of their lives to spirituality, and the majority of these people have come to the conclusion that Awareness is NOT localized in the brain. Feel free to do your own research on this issue.

By the way, even if you believe that Awareness is inside your brain, how do you explain what happens when the body dies? Does Awareness or Consciousness leap out of the brain at the moment of death? While I can accept (and even embrace) the view that Awareness or Spirit is everlasting, it seems awfully difficult to believe that the essence of us is lodged in the brain during life and then is suddenly freed from the brain at death.

Let’s look at this from another angle. If, as quantum physicists tell us, ALL matter is composed of vibrating subatomic particles in 99.9% empty space, that means our brain is composed of vibrating particles in EMPTY space. How can anything be located “inside” empty space?

If you’re confused, welcome to the club. The mind likes to ignore those bits of information that don’t fit neatly into its preconceived beliefs. This inquiry invites you into the unknown, which can be very scary at first.

Our sense of Awareness has another fascinating quality I’d like you to examine. Think of something that worries you and makes you feel very anxious. Get that feeling of fear in the pit of your stomach.

Once you have the feeling in place, just observe the feeling as an impartial observer. Don’t judge it, or try to get rid of it. Allow it to be there. Just observe it as if you are a witness to the feeling.

Are you able to observe the fear as if you are a bystander? You have the ability to do that.

Here’s an interesting conclusion you may reach: the part of you that is observing the fear is NOT afraid. In other words, it appears that a casual observer is the “one” observing “your” fear.

The same thing happens if you are angry – and you just observe your feelings of anger. The entity observing the anger is NOT angry. It seems to be impartial.

What is that part of YOU that is doing this impartial observing? How is it that I can be angry and yet some part of me can watch or observe that feeling, while somehow being “detached” from the anger?

Not an easy thing to figure out right away. Yet, if you are honest with yourself, you will eventually come to the conclusion that there is something in the background, all the time, that seems to be Aware or Conscious of everything going on. When we are caught up in our thoughts and emotions, we aren’t aware of this Awareness. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is always there.

The concept of Awareness or Consciousness is often discussed in many of the Eastern religions and spiritual traditions, where the principle of non-duality (Oneness) is popular. Those who endorse non-duality believe that your true nature is not a physical body – but Awareness or Consciousness itself – and that all physical matter arises within this field of Awareness.

Even if you think these ideas are far-fetched, I think you’ll find that when examined, there IS some mysterious Awareness that is always in the background. It doesn’t matter what religion you follow; it has nothing to do with religion. This Awareness is present regardless of what you may believe about it, or if you choose to ignore it.

Become aware of this ever-present Awareness and you’ll gain a new perspective about yourself and the world in which you live.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Victor Hugo

God enters by a private door into every individual.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.
- Mohandas Gandhi

Our prayers should be for blessings in general, for God knows what is good for us.
- Socrates

Things change when you give your life to serving God, and that can be scary.
- Michael W. Smith

To be full of things is to be empty of God. To be empty of things is to be full of God.
- Meister Eckhart

God is the universal substance in existing things. He comprises all things. He is the fountain of all being. In Him exists everything that is.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

If God had wanted me otherwise, he would have created me otherwise.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The knowledge of God is very far from the love of Him.
Blaise Pascal

When the solution is simple, God is answering.
- Albert Einstein

It is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is; God perceived by the heart, not by the reason.
- Blaise Pascal

I invite you to try an experiment today. It’s very simple and won’t take up any of your time. Here’s all you have to do: see God in every person who crosses your path today.

Make believe every person you see has a large name tag that says “God” on his or her chest. If it is inconsistent with your religious beliefs to see any human as God, make believe the name tag says “Created by God.”

In this experiment, there are no exceptions. When you see your spouse or your child, you are seeing God. As you pass strangers on the street, look at each as if you are looking at God.

If you’re in a crowded public area and some loudmouth is using a cell phone, just look at that person knowing you are seeing God, or a creation of God. You know what you would say or think about that person if you weren’t doing this experiment. But what would you say if you were seeing God in that person? Would you mumble profanities or criticize the person for being an inconsiderate jerk?

As you walk through your offices at work, see the name tag clearly on each person and know that you are seeing God as each person passes. How loving and caring would you be if you could see God in every person? The moment you focus on God, your mind tends to stop. The judgment stops, and all you recognize is love.

You’ll be able to look past the labels you have assigned to these people – Caucasian, African-American, pretty, ugly, fat, thin, sloppy, neat, generous, selfish, etc.; you may notice some of these characteristics, but they won’t be important to you. You will see through them to the divinity within.

With your new focus, your heart is joined with each person and you feel connection, not separation. You have no interest in criticizing. You are full of compassion. You project the love that is in you and that love is reflected back to you.

This really isn’t an unusual experiment or a stretch of the truth. Many religions and spiritual traditions believe that everything IS God, that the life force or energy we refer to as God appears as every bit of matter in the universe.

Even if you believe that you are somehow separate from God, you probably believe that you are created by God, in the image of God. Thus, there is an element of the Divine in every human being.

I’ll be the first to admit that this experiment can present some difficult challenges. While you may be able to see God in your child or in a stranger on the street, you might have considerable resistance to seeing God in those whose behavior you find cruel or immoral – such as those who have committed murder, rape, or have molested a child.

I don’t have an easy answer for you; each person must come to his or her own conclusions. However, something tells me we are called to see God in every person, to see beyond behavior to the divine love that connects all of us.

See God in every person who crosses your path today. You’ll have a day unlike any you’ve ever experienced. Maybe you’ll want to continue the experiment beyond one day. The only “entity” that will raise an objection is your MIND, which is conditioned to see differences and to judge others.

If you’re ready to get a glimpse of your true nature, and your capacity for love and joy, begin this experiment immediately.

Mohandas Gandhi said it beautifully: “If you don’t find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further.”

– Jeff Keller
(c) 2008

Today’s message was contributed by Jack Stem, one of the subscribers to this newsletter. I have so much respect for Jack’s courage, his honesty, and the work he is doing to help those who are struggling with substance abuse and addiction.

– Jeff Keller

An Angel from God

Contributed by Jack Stem

I am a recovering addict. This incident occurred at the hospital where I practiced anesthesia. I was a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist at the time and was at the absolute bottom of my bottom in my disease.

As the majority of recovering addicts will tell you, our self image is that we are the lowest form of life on the planet because of the things we are doing as a result of our dependence on a chemical or chemicals. In order to maintain a sense of normalcy, just to make it through the day without going into withdrawal, it was necessary to steal drugs from the hospital.

As my disease grew stronger and I sank further into the dark pit of despair, it became clear to me that my death was the only way out of this entire mess. My mere existence was becoming more and more painful for the people I loved most in my life, and the embarrassment and shame I would bring them when I was finally caught would be the final blow, and I didn’t want that to happen. So one morning, when I had a break in my scheduled cases, I had decided I would commit suicide. I mixed 2 powerful drugs together to make sure I accomplished my goal.

As I made my way to the stall in the locker room where I would shoot up my concoction, an obstetrical resident came storming into the locker room ranting and raving about some difficulty he had just encountered. He was pacing back and forth, his lab coat flowing behind him like the wings of a large bird flapping furiously.

He was between me and the stall where I planned to fix my problem once and for all, effectively preventing me from entering my chosen death chamber. This went on for about ten to 15 minutes or so. Suddenly he stopped, apologized for being so “unprofessional” and dumping his anger and frustration on a stranger. He shook my hand, thanked me for listening (I couldn’t tell you a single word he had said!) and left the locker room.

In the short period of time he spent in my life, he had given me the opportunity to change my mind about committing suicide.

When I talked with several people about this obstetrical resident with the shock of red hair and temperament to match, no one knew who I was talking about. No one fit the description I gave of the young doctor. I bumped into the chief resident later that day and described his resident with the flaming mane and fiery attitude, and he told me there were no obstetrical residents in the program with red hair…male or female!

There is no doubt in my mind this “man” was an angel sent by God to prevent me from killing the father of two beautiful daughters, and the son of wonderful parents. Even though I have struggled over the 18 years since that incident, I wouldn’t trade a single moment of my life in that time.

Yes, I eventually lost my profession after two relapses and a felony conviction five years later. But I have discovered life isn’t about how much money I have, or what my station is in a chosen profession. It’s about relationships…with those I meet on this journey, and with Jesus Christ.

I still get chills when I share this incident with others. I can smell the locker room and see the red hair and white lab coat as though it just happened. I shudder to think about one of the most wonderful days I would have missed if the angel hadn’t intervened, my oldest daughter’s wedding. As we walked down that aisle, she said to me, “Daddy, I’m glad you’re here with me today.”

– Jack Stem
© 2008

Jack Stem speaks about addiction and recovery to health care professionals, churches and schools, and is the Chairman of the peer assistance committee for Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists in Ohio. Jack helps others who are struggling with substance abuse and addiction, including family, friends and colleagues. (http://www.jackstem.com)  In addition, Jack is an extremely talented portrait artist. You can view samples of his work at http://www.jackstem.com/painless-portraits.htm

My guess is that you’ve experienced the following: you go into someone’s office (we’ll call that person “John”) and you notice that on the wall, John has numerous pictures of himself standing next to famous people. In some of the photos, he is standing next to a well known politician. In others, he is shaking hands with an athlete, actor or a business leader.

You might see the same thing when you visit internet web sites. If John owns a web site, he may post a bunch of pictures online where he is standing next to politicians or to people who are well known in the field of John’s expertise.

Be honest with me. Are you impressed when you see these photos?

This is not a rhetorical question. You may be impressed that John is in the company of the “movers and shakers” in society. He appears to be part of the “in crowd.” Some people are indeed impressed, or else John would not display the photos.

As for me, I am not impressed. I can’t understand why being in a photo with a public figure means anything. Does it mean that if I do business with John, I will get a better product or better service? Does it mean John is an expert in his field? Does it mean John is a person of character and integrity?

As most of you know from personal experience, the famous person pictured with John usually has no meaningful relationship with John. They were at some event together and the famous person agreed to have a picture taken with many people at the event. Furthermore, even if the well known person knows John very well, so what?

The photo only tells me that John stood next to this individual when the camera was pointed at both of them.

I know very well what John is intending to convey by proudly displaying these photos. He is saying that if he associates with well known people, he is a “somebody.” His own ego is boosted by having famous people next to him, and he figures he can impress others with the company he keeps.

This is not an attack against people who are proud of these photos. Those like John are not hurting anyone by putting these photos on the wall or posting them on internet sites. I admit that sometimes I will judge people who display such photos; however, to the extent that I judge them, all I am demonstrating is my own ego, as if I am somehow superior by not engaging in such conduct.

From the perspective of our spiritual development, these photos make no sense. By displaying only photos of famous people, John seems to be implying that all people are NOT equal. John isn’t displaying photos where he is standing next to a neighbor, a co-worker, his spouse, or his daughter’s teacher. Why not? Are these people any less worthy or valuable than the well known people?

By the way, if any of the public figures in John’s photos commits some crime or immoral act, we know John will quickly remove that person’s photo from the wall or the web site. After all, you don’t want to be seen with someone who would commit such acts.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying an event and taking a picture with a well known person as a remembrance of the event – just as you may want to take a picture with your friends or relatives while you’re at a party or other gathering.

However, when you’re displaying the photo to prove you’re a somebody, you’re letting your ego run the show. You’re attempting to use things outside of yourself to demonstrate your value, to borrow someone else’s fame to establish your own.

At the core, each of us is pure magnificence, whole, and connected to the Divine — and we don’t need anyone standing next to us to prove it.

– Jeff Keller
© 2008