Just about everyone can identify with this experience. You learn about someone who has done something you find unethical or immoral and you say: “I’m not judging this person, but….” – and you then proceed to judge the person.

I used to do this all the time. It doesn’t happen much any more.

Don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I have not given up judgment. What I am giving up is the need to say that I am not judging. I AM judging, so why not just be truthful about it?

On the spiritual path, judgment is seen as a “no-no.” It’s not spiritual to judge. Religions tell us not to judge.

Consequently, we give the mind a goal – to eradicate our tendency to judge. We will focus on “not judging” until we can acquire this habit.

How successful have YOU been in giving up judgment?

If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you are judging people all the time. The judgment is there before your mind can prevent it. We make judgments all the time, saying things such as:

This person is cruel.
This person is selfish.
This person is a bad mother.
This person is a bad father.
This person has bad manners.

Judgments arise in our minds constantly. One after another.

Judging is programmed into us. The mind has been conditioned to judge. This conditioning began when you were a little child and it has been ingrained. Your parents judged. Your teachers judged. Your neighbors judged. Your friends judged. The media has bombarded you with millions of judgments and comparisons.

As a result, you can’t see someone hitting a child and NOT judge them. You can’t see someone denying food to the hungry and NOT judge them.

You can read Scripture or spiritual texts 24 hours a day about not judging, and you will see a child molester being arrested on TV, and your tendency will be to judge that person. You will see a story about a suicide bomber and you will judge that person.

Judgment arises before you can stop it. And yet we often begin our judgments by saying, “I’m not judging, but….”

These are hollow, “spiritually correct” words, but nothing more.

You ARE judging. Why not be honest about it? What is so terrible about admitting that we are judging others?

I don’t know how to eradicate judgment, but I have discovered that the way to lessen the amount of judgment that arises is to simply allow it to be there. Don’t resist it or say that it isn’t there, or shouldn’t be there.

Judgment IS there and if you just observe it impartially, you will find that it dissipates quickly and doesn’t arise as often in the future. Shine the light of Awareness on your judgments. View reality as it IS, not as you wish it were.

What you might also find is that you will not vocalize your judgments as often. Once the phrase “I’m not judging, but…” has been removed from your vocabulary, you won’t feel as comfortable expressing your judgments. And in those instances when you do speak, you will be very honest in admitting your comments are judgmental. This is not something to be ashamed of. You don’t need to be ashamed of the truth.

If you believe you will “defeat” judgment through study, persistent effort or willpower, I think you are engaging in a fruitless activity. Going to war against judgment simply doesn’t work.

Choose a different approach. Be honest with yourself about your judgments. These judgments are asking you to look at them, without judgment.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

One of our subscribers forwarded to me this essay entitled “Churches and Politics.” The references to PW stand for “Pastor’s Wife.”

I found the essay to be very thought provoking. It applies not only to churches, but to all religions and all kinds of congregations. Moreover, it applies to those who have spiritual beliefs of any nature, even if they are not part of a congregation.

I invite you to read the essay and to share your insights and personal experiences on this subject. I look forward to hearing from people in the United States and around the world.

http://blog.beliefnet.com/jesuscreed/2009/08/churches-and-politics-by-pw.html  

I’ve discovered that an essential part of our spiritual growth is the interplay between mind and spirit. This relationship is shifting and evolving all the time.

Some spiritual traditions speak in very hostile terms about the mind, as if the mind must be annihilated so that spirit can blossom. I don’t see it that way. As long as we are in human form, we need our mind to live and function in the world. There is no point in trying to kill the mind or to treat it as an enemy.

On the other hand, we do need to keep the mind on a short leash – or else it can cause quite a bit of mischief. In today’s world, most people are overly enamored with the mind. It is the mind that judges, compares and criticizes. Spirit does none of those things.

When the mind is very active and full of judgment, spirit is pushed into the background.

How can we know the right mix for us between mind and spirit? I sense that the key is to let spirit lead the dance. How do we know whether mind or spirit is leading the dance? Here are a few of my observations, which may or may not resonate with you.

Mind is leading the dance when we are thinking of past and future.
Spirit is leading the dance when we are present.

Mind is leading the dance when thoughts are raging.
Spirit is leading the dance when mind is quiet (although not necessarily silent).

Mind is leading the dance whenever you feel troubled.
Spirit is leading the dance when you feel calm….even in the midst of turmoil.

Mind is leading when we’re judging and feeling any constriction in the body, emotionally and physically.
Spirit is leading when we are open, non-judgmental and loving.

Mind is leading when we’re searching and obsessing about something or someone.
Spirit is leading when we are quiet enough to allow wisdom to speak to us and guide us.

Mind is leading when our prayers amount to begging for conditions WE want.
Spirit is leading when our prayer is to surrender to God’s Will and when we have gratitude for whatever unfolds.

Mind is leading when we resist.
Spirit is leading when we allow.

Mind is leading when we are afraid of change.
Spirit is leading when we are willing to flow with change and embrace whatever comes.

Mind is leading when we think we know what is best for the world and everyone in it.
Spirit is leading when we put our arrogance aside and acknowledge that God is in control.

Mind is leading when we think we know all about God or how this mysterious universe operates.
Spirit is leading when we realize how little we know and how limited our human understanding is.

Mind is leading when the majority of our focus is on the physical body and our material objectives.
Spirit is leading when we are in touch with our eternal divine essence and see that essence in everything and everyone.

Mind is leading when we feel love for a reason – such as being in the presence of a person we find pleasing, or when circumstances are to our liking.
Spirit is leading when we feel love for no reason at all, when we need no stimulation to experience love because we ARE love.

Mind is leading when we want to be right.
Spirit is leading when we are content to just BE.

I recognize that each of you may have a different idea of what Mind or Spirit means. Regardless of your definitions, I invite you to take a moment to observe how the dance of mind and spirit is operating in YOUR life. Each person’s experience of mind and spirit will vary, and I welcome your insights.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

Here is the second installment of reader comments, replying to the question, “Who or What is God?”

If you missed the first installment, you can find it at www.YourSpiritualJourney.net  – July 28, 2009 issue.

* * * *

Reader Comments:

“God is “All” that is, for mankind to realize he is that “All” which resides in him. The light of God that connects us all!”

* * * *

“God is love. He is the spirit that connects us to the world and people around us. God is the essence of things hoped for, and things that are to come. God is the great comforter, healer, and lover of the soul. God reveals his nature in the Bible, he is the author of joy, peace and love. He also has a mighty wrath and is a jealous God. These are all elements of the nature of God. He is simply bigger than one adjective or description - just like us humans are, who are made in his image.”

* * * *

“Spirit, or more specifically my Spirit, is the energy which animates me.

God is the animating energy of the Universe.

Short and simple…and what came to mind.”
* * * *

“We are all God.”

* * * *

“You don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself this very same question. And I really haven’t found a solid answer. We are created in His image so I’m assuming that means He is in human form. BUT…..where did He come from? God created the heavens and the earth….who created Him?”

* * * *

“God is so big, so huge, so incomprehensible to our human minds, that we cannot describe him. There are no words. Perhaps there is only a “feeling” of God. So we have to use our “inadequate” human language to describe him, which describes perhaps a part of who or what God really is.”

* * * *

“God is the unknown creator of all that is seen and unseen. We learn about the loving nature of God through his son, Jesus, who was fully God. We stay connected to God through the Holy Spirit that Jesus sent who abides in every human being. We can either accept the Holy Spirit or reject it, but it is there given to us free from God. This is salve for my troubled soul. The Holy Spirit is pleading for us such as a lawyer when we aren’t even aware of it. I “know” when I am “disconnected” and ask for forgiveness and try to do better.”

* * * *

“The question you are asking is like saying, “What is LOVE?”

The answer is different for each person who experiences it. Our human minds search for a physical image to describe God, but like love, God must be experienced. That involves emotion and spirit. Incidentally, GOD is LOVE, too!”

* * * *

To answer your question on Who or What is God…

My take is that God is the “source.” There is an ether of substance, that of which is in a realm that we come from, but seem to have forgotten our divinity. That substance is the place of God (or perhaps even Gods.)

At this level, we are made manifest into the body of Life, staying plugged into the source of God (and actually, thank God for that.) Through our emotions, we are given receptors to “feel” this Life, all the while giving experience to God within ourselves as an expression of each unique individual human being.

This God substance vibrates at its highest level when we exercise our highest emotion – which is Love.
In Love,…all things are perfect, or one could say, all things are Godly. When we choose to manifest the feeling of Love, we are truly being Gods ourselves.”

* * * *

“I have been a very religious person all my life and though I belong to a religion called Zorastrian but I am a firm believer that GOD is one, but for the convenience mankind has made religions and sects to preach and believe in GOD. My understanding and the answer to your question is: GOD is nothing but a very powerful Energy which exists and cannot be seen but can be experienced through various forms. This energy exists in every thing which is living and alive in this Universe.

This is the simplest explanation I can understand regarding “Who and What is GOD?”

* * * *

“My understanding is:

God is - the supreme soul, light energy.

He is the benefactor.

The characteristics of God are love, peace, happiness, truth power, purity, mercy, light and might.

When I connect with God with my intellect I am able to draw light energy and thus recharge the battery of my soul. We have two fathers, one for the body and One for the soul. I usually have different types of relationships with God, so that I make him part of my life. E.g. mother, father, friend, companion, teacher, brother sister.

God is always constant, and he is the source of all virtues and powers, he never takes birth or rebirth, God never dies, as he does not have a body. Therefore he is the ocean of love,
peace etc, and when I keep drawing these attributes from God I myself become full and can then radiate this to all human beings around us.

We have one Father who is God, and we are his children, so we are all brothers and sisters belonging to One Mother and Father.”

* * * *

“Your question “Who or What is God?” is answered throughout the scriptures. A few scriptures, beginning with Gen 1:1 and including but not limited to Deut 6:4, Dan 2:47, John 4:24, 1 John 1:5, 1 John 4:8, Rev 19:16.

The nature of God is separate from “Who or What is God?”

* * * *

“God is the energy that connects us all. I am God, you are God. God is present everywhere and in everything.”

* * * *

“I spent some time over the past few days asking friends to give me their definitions.
Some were quite simple:

Who is He? My Lord and Savior was the #1 simple answer.

Many quoted the Bible as to “what” He is… the one who created the world… the one who provided Jesus as man so humans can better understand who He is and what He expects of us.

Some became quite philosophical:
He is the one who guides the universe and all that occurs within it.
He is our Spiritual leader. He guides us in the face of evil. He carries us through our trials, giving us the strength we need.

99.9% agreed that “God is” and that it takes pure faith to believe in Him.

Only one insisted that God is a figment of someone’s imagination and only weak minds believe in Him to get through things they can’t manage without a crutch.”

* * * *

“At present, I understand ‘God’ is a three letter word that human beings have applied to the invisible (to the eye) wonder that has the ability to answer ones questions (or prayers).”

* * * *

“To me, the number one problem with defining God is that we are trying to answer that with our mind and with human words. These are mechanisms that are completely incapable of describing something of the nature of “God”.

Nonetheless, in my limited mind, my thoughts are that God is that impulse that drives the evolution of the Universe, that (currently) unseen unknown energy that is bringing consciousness of itself into form and continuously driving to manifest at ever more conscious levels of form in the here and now.

Many of the “gurus” that I follow say - and getting out of my small mind and into the deeper part of myself I can start to get in touch with this from a deeper level - God is the unmanifest ground of Being from which everything that is form / manifest comes from.

It is timeless and limitless, it is everything and nothing all at the same time. I guess the bottom line for me though is that God right now is a mystery, but if by tapping into one trillionth of that mystery makes me more peaceful and more loving and more in touch with the Oneness of all, then I will take it.”

* * * *

Once again, I extend my gratitude to all those who submitted comments on this subject. Hopefully, many subscribers found this exploration to be valuable – either in posing the question to yourself, or in seeing how others responded.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

As you might imagine, many people sent emails to offer their views on this topic.

I appreciate the responses I got and will share many of them with you in this issue and in some upcoming issues of the newsletter. I regret that I am not able to publish all of the comments; however, I value all of the comments I received – and learn from all of them.

* * * *

Here is the first batch of reader comments:

“God, just as religion, is a belief, faith. God is who you want her to be to get through this life. I choose to believe that God is an intelligent being who yes, created the world, and who is with us every single day whenever we choose to bring her into our life.

God is not someone who controls events, negatives/positives, judges, condemns, etc. She is a guide, our friend, our mentor, our teacher, inspiration, best friend….who will be for us whatever we need the most at the moment.”

* * * *

“That must be THE question - Who or what is God? I have no idea — my answer would be God just IS, but I don’t know how to explain it to an alien; without God there would be nothing.”

* * * *

“God is a supernatural entity which is controlling all of us in the universe.”

* * * *

“According to the Bible there is one God, the Creator of all the universe, a living spiritual being without a physical body, infinite in perfection, power, wisdom and righteousness, without beginning or end.

He is all powerful and everywhere present.

He did not ascend to “godhood” but is, and will always be, eternally God.

He has no need of creation but brought it into being for his purpose and glory.

He is a God of love and mercy, showing a measure of grace to all mankind.

As Creator, He is the final judge of all things and His judgments must be acknowledged and obeyed.”

* * * *

“WE are God. That is my belief now.

God is the power/energy/source which resides at the core of each of us, underneath whatever layers are on the visible surface… whether we are a President or King, the person who invents the cure for cancer or invented electricity… or a rag picker on the back alley of New York City, or the person who committed a quadruple homicide with premeditation. Each has the same energy known as God to many. What we do with it is another matter.”

* * * *

“God, as I would describe as a living but an invincible and omnipresent and spiritual entity that takes various forms at various times.”

* * * *

God is my:
1) Healer - When I pray to him - I feel a release of pain.
2) Strength - When I am weak - I feel strong because God gives me strength.
3) Comforter - When I am hurt - I feel comfort.
4) Best Friend - I can speak to him any time and he listens.

How do I know this? I experience this daily in my life. He is my success in my life.”

* * * *

“This is a very hard question to answer. I do remember being asked that question by my young son once and tried to explain who God is - but failed abysmally. He’s 30 years old now and still asks me the question from time to time.”

* * * *

“Here is what I think and believe. The important word is believe, because the existence of “God”
is based on our faith, not on our sight, not on definitive proof.

I think it is unproductive to try to imagine the form that God takes. He may look like a human, he may have no appearance, and simply be a force.

What is important, if we have a spiritual sense, and I do, is to have faith that there are too many things that have happened in our lives and in the universe for these events to have occurred spontaneously without some powerful force (i.e divine force) having orchestrated these events.

The form of God matters little. The belief in his being is what matters. This belief is a source of comfort to us, a source of strength during good times and bad times. It adds to our belief in our day to day activities to think that there is a spiritual dimension to life, beyond what we see on Planet Earth.

To answer your question, of who or what is God, I will try to be more specific. I believe God is a divine force, who is our creator. When my son was born and he was presented to me
as a fragile 20 inch little baby, I became certain at this point that a “God” existed. The tiny beautiful boy was a miracle. I certainly could not have created this miracle. So God is a miracle worker, a master plan creator for the universe, whose form we need not worry about, but whose intentions we may believe are essentially good and noble.

If we keep this perspective of faith, we will enhance our lives. Please note that I believe that there is one God. If we call him Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, or any other name, that is fine. What is important is that we believe in the concept and being of a God. It requires faith, but the faith will be rewarded by a relationship with a being or force who we can trust, and pray to, and believe one day we may even meet to enjoy eternal life in some form.”

* * * *

“God is the cosmic law of Cause and Effect.”

* * * *

“I am eager to hear what your readers have to say on this topic, as it is something near and dear to my heart. As many do, I have tried to answer this question for myself - and found any conception I come up with is far too confining.

So I have come to believe that, in essence, God is spirit. Perhaps one day we will be able to “see” spirit, but for now, our vision is limited. God reveals Himself -for us- in all things, and thus, can take any form He chooses. That is what He did when He came to Earth as Jesus Christ - He chose to be revealed to humanity as a human being. But God is everything and everywhere - in the smallest flower and in the greatest ocean. It is said that we are His children, and in that sense, we are a small part of Him. He uses each of us, as we are His. He uses us to speak to others, to do for others, to demonstrate His love and power.

When I remember to do so, I pray in the morning that God helps me to see the small blessings today. Those blessings may take any form He chooses - from the fragile butterfly that causes me to pause in my rush to the supermarket — to the amazing “coincidences” that causes me to slow down just before an accident would have occurred, or cause me to cross another’s path when one of us needs it the most.

Some may think I’m a bit naive, to think that God cares about each and every person and all that happens to each of us in the course of day. But I don’t choose to limit my perception of God. I don’t choose to believe that God just sees the Earth in its entirety and couldn’t be bothered with lil’ ol’ me or any of His other children. If God is magnificent enough to create ALL the beauty of this world… why isn’t He magnificent enough to play a part in every detail that occurs here?

Part of our problem is our own limitations - we want to define God by our own narrow views of sight or sound. How much goes on around us that we can not even see? Even in the deepest, darkest areas of the Amazon rainforest, God sees each little bug scurrying for food, each little flower that wilts, each dewdrop sitting on each leaf.

The more open we are to God, the more He reveals to us. The more we try to contain God into a confining package that we can understand, the less we see.”

* * * *

“Since losing my husband 2 years ago, my perception has changed drastically. No longer is God a separate entity. I’ve become a Reiki practitioner, and I know that God is the Spiritual Energy that is present everywhere. I can open myself and connect to God at any time. It is so wonderful, I want to stay in that space forever, but I think I must wait for the next phase of my existence.”

* * * *

In the next issue, I will include more reader comments. I am grateful that so many of you took the time to offer your perspective on this topic.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

In religious and spiritual discussions, as well as in daily conversation, we refer to God. We might comment on how God has blessed us, or we might speak about God’s plan for someone’s life. There are countless instances when we use the word God.

But we rarely, if ever, talk about what God is. What is the nature of God?

So, I am inviting you to answer the question: Who or What is God?

Assume an adult alien landed on earth from another planet. The alien walks up to you and says, “I hear people on earth continually referring to God. Who or What is God?

How would you answer?

To say something like, “God created the world” or “God is our Heavenly Father” does NOT, in my view, answer the question of who or what is God.” That might be something God did, or a way we describe God, but that does not explain the nature of God.

Can we know anything about the nature of God, or is it a complete mystery?

Is God a feeling, an energy, some type of special being?

I’m struggling here, because it’s a difficult question. Yet I’d like to get your views.

Who or what is God?

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

When we get even the slightest glimpse of a spiritual perspective, we want to share it with others who are close to us. We know first-hand how much we have gained by not getting caught up completely in the turmoil of events around us. We have found a safe haven and we know that others can enter this safe haven as well.

Our desire to help is especially strong when we see a friend or family member going through a tough time. We want them to access the peace and strength that we have found. It’s not that we’ve mastered life yet, or are untouched by life’s troubles; however, we are discovering a way to ease some of the pain and connect with this source of strength that is accessible at all times.

The problem we run into is that our desire does not match the willingness of the other person to receive what we are offering. They may not be ready to adopt the perspective we are inviting them to consider. Even when we sense that the person in pain is not ready, we still want to help them. We just can’t sit back and let them suffer.

What to do?

I recently heard an interview with Elizabeth MacDonald, who teaches programs on spiritual awareness. The interviewer had mentioned to Elizabeth that his mother-in-law was ill and dying. He wanted desperately to help his wife and her mother to see the situation in a way that would alleviate some of their suffering. However, any attempts he made to give them a different perspective were unwelcome.

Elizabeth MacDonald offered the following insight to the interviewer, which I am paraphrasing here:

“Your calmness is the most you can give in this situation.”

I was immediately struck by the power and accuracy of her insight. Had the interviewer continued to “force” his beliefs and his perspective on his wife and mother-in-law, the overwhelming likelihood is that he would have caused them to suffer even more. They didn’t want to be “more spiritual” or to adopt his way of looking at the world.

But his calmness – this would be a most welcome gift. Why would anyone resist calmness? There is nothing to resist.

There is simply a soothing energy to calmness. Perhaps you’ve had an experience when your own thoughts and emotions were spinning out of control, and you felt better when you were in the presence of someone who is calm. The calm person didn’t have to say anything or do anything.

The mere presence of a centered, calm person changes the way others feel and act. It feels like the energy of the room is lighter and more expansive.

The mind tries to convince us that we need to say something clever to help a person who is struggling. We think we need to give them a strategy, a new outlook, or a pep talk.

Maybe the most you could possibly give in such a situation is your calmness. The ability to just be present, listen and be calm. It doesn’t matter how the other person reacts.

Coming from your calmness, you may speak some words. Or you might remain silent. In either event, you will be serving the person who is facing the tough situation. That person will feel better in your presence and experience more clarity.

So, the next time your mind is racing with how to help someone, consider giving them the gift of your calmness. It’s likely to be more effective than any sermon or strategies you could offer.

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

In this message, I want to discuss how the conditioning in the body will be slow to change even as you progress in your emotional and spiritual development. Let me give an example that involves a topic I recently covered – the need for approval.

Every few weeks, I get an email (that usually includes profanity) from a subscriber to this newsletter, demanding that I stop sending them the newsletter. These emails are typically very short, yet they almost always imply that the newsletter is being forced on them against their will — and that I should remove them from my mailing list immediately.

As you know, everyone who signs up for the newsletter does so voluntarily. They type in their own email address. I have nothing to do with the process. In addition, each message contains instructions on how to get off the list immediately.

Given that each person signs up voluntarily, and can leave at any time, how rational is it for people to get outraged that they are on the list? Seems quite irrational, if not downright crazy to me. Surely, nobody could take seriously the rantings of such people. And even more obviously, nobody would seek the approval of such people.

Yet I must confess that each time I get such an email, there is an emotional reaction triggered inside my body. I will wince or feel the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. I’ve been rejected. Criticized. The body contracts or tightens for a moment.

This is a conditioned response. It doesn’t matter whether I believe what the person has said, or if I think the person is a lunatic. Email is received….and the body response follows. It’s like the response when the doctor taps your knee with one of those little hammers. You move your foot automatically and you are powerless to resist it.

Even if I notice right away how irrational the subscriber’s comment is, I will have the physical sensation in my body. I can see that the person is just angry at the world. Yet I feel powerless to alter the physical responses taking place in my body.

What differs now (from my response years ago) is that I have no desire to convince this irate person to approve of me. I don’t care why they don’t like the newsletter, and I have no interest in convincing them that I’m a good person or that they should continue to read the newsletter. Mentally and emotionally, I release it and let it go. I don’t hold any ill will toward the person either. If anything, I feel compassion to see a person in so much pain.

As I mature and become less concerned with approval, I find that the physical sensations are less intense and they pass quickly. But they still arise from conditioning and may be intense at the outset. I’ve learned that’s perfectly ok…and to just let it be.

I have no doubt that most of you can identify with this principle. No matter how mature you believe yourself to be mentally and emotionally, when someone attacks you or disapproves of you, there will be a conditioned response in your body.

You may be surprised when it arises, since you think you are growing in terms of a diminished need for approval. In all likelihood, you ARE growing and releasing the need for approval. Yet you can’t eliminate the physical responses that arise.

Just ALLOW them to be there.

If you fight the conditioning, flooding yourself with thoughts and judgments that these feelings shouldn’t be there, you won’t get any benefit from that approach. In fact, the opposite will probably happen. The unpleasant sensations will remain for longer periods of time because you are resisting them.

That’s why it is always best to allow the conditioned feelings to be as they are. They will become less and less intense, and they will subside sooner.

Although I have discussed this concept of allowing conditioned responses to be as they are in the context of needing approval, the principle applies to all of our emotional responses.

For instance, when you are afraid, you get a feeling in the pit of your stomach. Therefore, right before you speak to an audience, you may feel intense sensations in your solar plexus region. Even as you gain confidence in public speaking, you may feel this sensation.

Allow it to be there. Just observe it impartially and it will move on.

Be easy on yourself when it comes to your conditioned body sensations. If someone pushes one of your buttons and you feel something, just let it be there. Remain aware without trying to push it away or judge it.

In my experience, awareness leads to clarity and right action (or inaction, if that is more appropriate).

– Jeff Keller
© 2009

At the end of Part 4 of this series, I asked readers to comment on the following:

“I’d be interested in hearing your insights and experiences on this subject. How do you balance this tension between following your heart and being authentic at work – as opposed to following procedures or policies you don’t agree with… or keeping quiet about behavior that conflicts with your values?”

If you want to read the entire message (The Need for Approval – Part 4), go to www.YourSpiritualJourney.net  .

Here are some of the responses I received.

Reader Comments:

“I think what some think of as a cop-out might just be common courtesy to most. It has nothing to do with spirituality. I find it more than just a little disturbing when people say that they can’t change who they are. Nonsense! You and only you can control your actions and reactions.”

* * * *

“Having been in the work community for many years, I have learned what works, and what doesn’t work. Most employers/boss consider a “suggestion” on your part as a criticism of the job your employer/boss is doing. In the real business world, there is no such thing as constructive criticism…your boss/employer interprets this as destructive criticism.

The boss is always right and you better believe it. Again, if you have an idea that will save the company money, or improve the company, the boss does not really want to hear your “opinion.” That is just human nature….people only want to hear what they want to hear….not what you want to say….your boss/employer is perfect, and if you disagree, it might be best for you to look for another job.

So you learn, over time, and several jobs latter, to keep your mouth shut. This is true for about 90% of employers….in other words, don’t rock the boat. This is the real world which, of course, is not right, but is what is “real” for better or for worse. 10% of employers have just the opposite view of the above, whereby they become a leader in their field. The person who finds, and works, for this 10% group, is indeed extremely fortunate.”

* * * *

“What I find a wise comment on your part is your insight to distinguish between approval seeking (i.e. people pleasing in general) which I think harms one’s self esteem and erodes one’s identity, and the point you made in this part 4 installment that it is fine to accommodate one’s behavior to fit in with a corporate culture. This may be necessary, as you point out in the business environment. I totally agree.

The problem occurs when the demands of the “bosses” become a hardship upon one’s own well-being. In law firms in which I have worked, when I worked for three partners, they “demanded or expected” that I would do the work of three people - and stay till midnight every night or even longer.

This was a set up for poor health and burn out on my part.

While I tried to meet these demands, I looked inward and decided that the firm was short staffed and was trying to impose an impossible workload upon one person - me! At that time, I informed them that I viewed these expectations as unrealistic and an attempt to save labor costs at my physical health and well being, and I could not possibly endure such an arrangement. Ultimately, I resigned for my health and well being.

The point I wish to make is that everyone needs to be hypervigilant in the work environment so as not to full into the trap of “fitting in” if it begins to become a physical and emotional hardship, with burdensome hours and expectations on the part of management.

When this occurs, it becomes our individual responsibility to speak up, to change the situation if possible, and if the individuals (i.e. bosses) are inflexible, it is time to head to the door and look elsewhere.

Otherwise, we are sacrificing our own health and well being. This is a dangerous and poor choice. If it comes to this point, we are no longer “trying to fit in;” rather we are becoming victims and it is time to remove ourselves from a dysfunctional corporate culture.”

* * * *

“What I find most interesting about this week’s topic is the realization of how our spirituality is so intertwined with our jobs, whether or not we want to accept it. I agree there is a tension between following our hearts and being authentic at work. But I also believe we are all divinely empowered to create, our tools simply being our choices.

I feel this tension stems from the battle of the ego’s drive for control and/or power, while the Self seeks to share love, expand happiness and help heal others. Layer this reality over a typical organization’s goal for profit or margin and you have a perfect formula for tension.

The challenge we all face is to work for an organization which operates with values that align with our desire to be authentic. It is equally important that these values are actually practiced — not merely reflected in a mission or vision statement that hangs on a wall. Unfortunately, organizations are not entities unto themselves, but a mere collection of human beings seeking to find a balance between their egos & Self, while trying to collectively reach goals of gain. So herein lies our true opportunity to take charge of our lives, both personal & professional, and share with the world what we feel is of most importance in the completeness of ‘being human’.”

* * * *

I want to thank everyone who took the time to contribute comments on this topic.

– Jeff Keller

If you did not read Parts 1, 2 and 3 of this series, you can find them at www.YourSpiritualJourney.net . 

As I mentioned in Part 3, several subscribers wrote to express how this concept of seeking approval affected them at work. They discussed how they modified their behavior at work out of fear that someone would not like them if they said what is truly on their minds, or if they didn’t act as others expected them to act.

For some of you, this subject may be more accurately described as strategies for acceptance or “fitting in” rather than a need for approval.

I would think that just about everyone reading this newsletter has altered their behavior at work in order to fit in with the business culture. Some people conform more than others, but most of us will admit that we do things we don’t really want to do – or say things we don’t really mean — so that we will fit in and be accepted at work.

In many instances, we know that our job depends on acting in a way that meets the approval of those who have the ability to make decisions regarding our employment, including the ability to terminate our employment.

By the way, even if you are self-employed, it’s likely that you will alter your words and behavior from time to time to please your clients or suppliers. You need something from them and you are willing to do and say things you don’t believe in your heart — to maintain harmonious relationships with these people.

So what do we do when we feel one way, and yet we believe our job requires us to act in a way that others want us to act?

As you might expect, I’m not able to offer any specific answers to that question. There is no single formula or strategy that would fit all situations. I also firmly believe each of us must find our own answers. However, I will offer some general comments.

I see nothing wrong in “compromising” your beliefs or feelings in certain situations to maintain your job. Maybe you’re surprised that I made that statement, as it doesn’t seem to be spiritually correct, or being true to yourself.

Sometimes being true to yourself and refusing to alter your behavior is not the approach you want to take. For example, perhaps you like your job and don’t mind doing certain things (or keeping quiet) to gain the acceptance or approval of others. Perhaps you need the income your job is providing for the well-being of your family. You’re not sure that you could make the same amount of money and find a work environment where you could say what you want — and do what you want — without regard to what others think.

The inescapable truth (at least to me) is that most corporate cultures or business enterprises demand a certain amount of conformity. You might have some leeway in your words and actions, but if you cross the line of what management feels is acceptable, your job (or your potential for advancement) is in jeopardy. This is not being paranoid, as I see it. This is telling the truth about working for any organization.

That’s why I don’t think anyone needs to feel guilty or bad about making some compromises to gain approval or acceptance in the workplace. I’m not talking about illegal and unethical behavior. I’m referring to those times when you modify your behavior to fit in – where you do things that make you cringe because whatever you’re doing is not in alignment with your spirit.

Only you can decide when the demand for you to conform goes too far and you just can’t stay in that job any longer. Only you can know when your spirit is being suffocated to the extent where the advantages of your job are outweighed by the pressure to be someone you are not.

I’d be interested in hearing your insights and experiences on this subject. How do you balance this tension between following your heart and being authentic at work – as opposed to following procedures or policies you don’t agree with… or keeping quiet about behavior that conflicts with your values?

– Jeff Keller
© 2009